From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V1 #116 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Sunday, August 16 1998 Volume 01 : Number 116 Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: two poems [Jan Winters ] ET: conformity [Jan Winters ] Re: ET: are selves ["Seth D. Fulmer" ] ET: Fw: Confusion & Self: A Social Commentary ["Nina Edlund" ] Re: ET: Fw: Confusion & Self: A Social Commentary ["Seth D. Fulmer" ] ET: realization [Jan Winters ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1998 20:40:37 -0700 From: Jan Winters Subject: ET: two poems *** i hope this doesn't upset anyone, its just how i feel right now I JUST WANT TO BE HEARD i'm too young they always say these are the best years i hate hearing that my time will come but it never does i just want to be heard the president is in the white house having a lot of fun some young intern comes along and her story is heard by millions must i get a stained dress to be heard? some bomb explodes in two african countries out to hurt us yankees the embassy's don't look so great right now 200 plus africans died but only the americans are heard must i be born in a random state to have a voice must i be a diploment to be saved? little children go into school with knives, guns and other weapons someone pissed them off, someone kissed their girlfriend maybe a teacher gave them a detention now the nation is staring and analyzing why they decided to shoot everyone around must i have a gun and blow someones head to be noticed? i keep turning on nbc only to hear the germ warfare is real i get a little scared wanting to move into a plastic bubble and never leave that spot. i hear how only roaches survive and i hear that the bombs exsist do i have to hurt the planet to be understood? why must everything be so scary. there is this girl in arkansas she was raped at 13 realized she was pregnant few days later from that bastard in her biology class didnt know what to do, didn't know what to think had an abortion, cried all night people threw signs at her, people threw harsh words next day the doctor was found dead must two wrongs make a right to have a voice in this time? so many things frustrate me and i have so many issues to speak about all i wanna do is get out my voice but somehow my throat latches onto my words and makes them stop before i am ever heard. ****** this one is about my first taste of love, and that moment when you realize it's time to honestly move on. time to put the past behind you and completely look towards the future. it's hard to do. FIRST TASTE i was 16, it was my first time away from home without any parental guidance i remember shaking really hard, as you smiled at my across the street i never touched a man before, i was never told that i was beautiful i never expect much from you, just a holiday romance but then you became my first taste of something real, of something true i remember it was like trying a peach for the first time the juices running on my bare arm you tasted so honest, so pure and all i could do was giggle, that adolecent nervous laugh i was too young to feel such emotion went home crying to mommy and daddy couldn't handle postage stamp relationship, lack of hugs, lack of touch he was my first taste of love, and my first taste of dissapointment i said never again, only at 16 but here i am, after vowing to never stare at another man yelling that i am alone, i am free, i am myself and you are staring right at my flesh, like he did saying rhat maybe we should give it a chance *thanks for reading these! kat ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1998 20:54:06 -0700 From: Jan Winters Subject: ET: conformity ***** sorry! here's another one! it just came out like a burp! conformity horizontal grass hoop dreams dad in suit, mom bakes cakes little brother likes frogs sister likes dolls white picket fence invisable to the eye the one that creates the wall where everyone can hide brown station wagon bought on the 5th annerversory silly family songs counting liscense plates from other states rolling down the window and letting out a mooooooo everytime a cow comes by roast beef for dinner dad's home at 6 brother drew a picture of the family they are all in sticks sister groans about that carrots feeds them to the family dog mother gives the dissapointed look family laughs all is well the report card is on the fridge with straight A's and one B right next to that crayon drawing of everyone in sticks mother said she's proud dad is too lets go out for a drive in that station wagon go to dairy queen, why ever do anything new? typical love met at high school, went to prom bought mother a corsage, she still has in her drawer never knew anyone else, but why? when they have each other never mention abortion, gay right, religion or politics please stick with the simple subjects as the family in sticks now my eyes are open all this time i thought my family was crazy moving around the world and eating anything not american always thought pops was a little nutty always wanting to know my views on earth but now i see he just wants to know that i am more then just a stickperson. ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 01:42:17 -0400 From: "Seth D. Fulmer" Subject: Re: ET: are selves At 08:44 PM 8/15/98 -0700, Karen Miller wrote: >Look at us. We all are calling are selves ugly, or stupid or saying we want to fit in calling are selves fakes and old and nothings, god we thrash are selves as if we mean nothing to the world like if we die know one will care. tell me am I the only one seeing this? Holly, I've noticed that about us AND about myself since God knows how long ago. Like I've been saying...people keep telling me not to put myself down...I simply tell things how they are and how I want "myself" to be. I won't be so rude as to tell somebody else how they should be, but like if I want my "perfect me", then I have the right to strive towards it. Personally, My "Perfect Me" is: sky blue eyes that can see 20/20 in sun and the pitch dark, a full head of light brown hair that I don't have to worry about combing/brushing regularly, a face that's scarless, pimpleless, freckleless and without a blemish at all, a neck that's not too fat, not too thin, but JUST RIGHT, shoulders that could never compare with a pro football player's shoulders, a chest that makes the sheer cliffs of dover strive for excellence in flatness. I want to weigh 100 lbs and be a bit under 6 foot tall. I want an immune system that can withstand even the harshest of virus infections. I want a personality that can mesh with anyone's personality yet doesn't betray my own set morals and standards...I could go on forever, but I won't...but you get the drift. Obviously none of these things are going to happen, but it's in me to complain because I can't acheive these and it's unfair. When I ask a girl out to even a movie as friends and she says No and tells me most of the lame reasons, then I start to complain more yet because she obviously considers me inadequate. If I was the perfect guy, then she wouldn't have said No...Obviously my reasoning is messed up but there's no changing it. Anyhow, I just thought I'd respond with that and say that I think it's healthy in a way to have humility about oneselves. I have fun with people who think they're all that and that they are better than everyone else...because it's fun to show them their faults and their inadequacies. Of course, it's not cool if the person is so humble that they are constantly thinking their no good and should die or something like that...That's not a cool thought...You should try to fix yourself if you're inadequate. Ok, enough preaching seth...Time to go to bed...it's late :) Good night everyone! :) Seth Fulmer A.K.A. "The Angel that thinks too much" mailto:kaosking@voicenet.com Cool Quote of the Day/week/timeperiod of your choice: "And I'm sorry I didn't always have a match That could start a fire big enough for your heart to catch." - Jewel Kilcher ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 01:56:24 -0400 From: "Nina Edlund" Subject: ET: Fw: Confusion & Self: A Social Commentary 'I'm ugly. I'm fat. I'm stupid.' I can't speak for the guys, since .. being a woman .. I am unfamiliar with their perspective. Although, I suppose, following that logic, I can't speak for -anyone- as I am unfamiliar with any person's perspective aside from my own. So here it is, like it or not... The world is a confusing place. The mixed messages we receive are unreal. I was watching 'Leeza' one day, the topic being anorexia. The whole hour was devoted to this girl who weighed under 70 lbs. A vision of death. The audience was horrified, Leeza was gravely sympathetic in the false, patronizing way that talk-show hosts are, and the young girl was unaware of her morbid demise. And the advertisement when they went to commerical break? Weight Watchers. I kid you not. The society we live in, on one hand, tells us to be healthy. On the other, it tells us the only way to true happiness is through beauty and that beauty equals thin. In almost every women's magazine, there are at least one set of instructions on how to lose weight. How can one decide for themselves what is right? Too much is expected of children these days, kids being forced to grow up before they are given the proper tools to be able to believe in themselves. 'I'm fat .. I'm ugly' has become the sad mantra of the 90s woman, existence shaping her to believe her only salvation is in something that will eventually be reduced to sags and wrinkles in the end. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Don't ever--EVER--let anyone con you into believing that it only comes in one form. Beauty is not: *a size 6 *perfect measurements *a flawless smile *a radiant complexion *silken hair Beauty is: *inner grace *passion *conviction *creativity *confidence *individuality *kindness *hope *love ...anyone wish to add to these lists? In summary, people need to really focus and discover what makes them happy instead of relying on the media to tell them how they can attain it. In those moments of darkness, when you are filled with self-loathing and hatred, think about what brings you joy. In the simplest terms. A summer breeze singing through the trees on a warm, moonlit night. A bird stretching its wings and riding the wind like a dancer. The sun shining down and warming your body. The silken softness of flower petals. Ripples in a pond. It's an -AMAZING- world. Do you want to waste your time here worrying over the things that mean so little? I wouldn't want to be anyone else besides me. Why should you? Nina ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 03:49:05 EDT From: Angeljlb96@aol.com Subject: ET: my page Hiya guys... I noticed this little "me" thread going around, and I want to add to it, but I don't seem to have much time...SO I decided to post before I did this about a page I devoted to Jon =) =) on my webpage that you guys should all check out because you can see how hot Jon is =) Just click on Fish Family when you get there. So while I'm at it....you can find out about "me" by going to my page as well. Hey...might as well just explain my page (even though I know a lot of you have already seen it ...who am I kidding...I'm flattering myself here). It's got me stuff, friends stuff, poetry stuff from me and friends (including some peeps on this list, like LARA!!!!!), Jewel poetry not in her book, a tiny page devoted to Jewel, a NEW!!!! page devoted to my favorite book that I haven't published yet...but I'm gonna go do that in a moment =), my angelfood page (I got lots o that), my quotes page, my trip to Cali page, and a picture page...I think that's it. Wow...never realized how much I had! SOrry this came out so long. You can however completely disregard me and NOT go to my page at all...but it might interest some of you! Grey Matter ...and if that don't work http://members.aol.com/angeljlb96/grey-matter.html Love, Jamie ~I'll be tricked and teased, but I will not be sold...how I log for the other peace~ A song my frined Sean wrote ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 03:07:11 -0500 From: Summer Burton Subject: ET: mememe Thought I should add to this whole me thread. i can't stand to be alone ever i can't take rejection, cooked carrots make me sick and my least favorite person is andrew mechler (and a senator from alaska) i've visited new york and took pictures and kiawah island and met boys and even anchorage and searched for a singer on the not-so-crowded streets i have hair the color of coca color with honey highlights and eyes that are a muddy river, caramel slightly moldy, or a penny - depending on the light my nose is too small, or just right, or whatever. I've got baby hands sometimes painted blue blueblueblue my favorite color like the eyes of the boy I used to think I loved and wrotep oetry about the boy who put the first crack in my easily breakable heart the boy who bruised my shoulder I'm wearing a ticket band from a water park I visited with my friends - but managed to still feel alone in. I'm lonely I'm happy I'm beautiful I'm lost I'm forgotten I'm loud I'm dependent I'm talky I'm sad I'm silly I'm smiling I'm crying I'm everything I ever wanted to be and everything I tried to stay away from. Y'all can visit my homepage too - http://www.bga.com/~melissab I love this list! I love Jewel! I love y'all! - -Summer ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 09:37:42 -0400 From: "Seth D. Fulmer" Subject: Re: ET: Fw: Confusion & Self: A Social Commentary At 01:56 AM 8/16/98 -0400, Nina Edlund wrote: > Beauty is: > *inner grace > *passion > *conviction > *creativity > *confidence > *individuality > *kindness > *hope > *love Nina, I tend to agree with you, however in today's society, someone who has those true qualities of beauty but not the prescribed qualities of beauty and just is not physically attractive won't be seen through the public's eye. I am physically unattractive, but I have many of the attributes you've listed above in the 2nd list. I can pretty much guarantee that I won't be seen in public. On the other hand however, when I'm bored once in a while I start thinking how it's a shame that I can't find, go out with, and marry a girl with all the prescribed qualities of beauty and the true qualities as well....a true angel. Seth Fulmer A.K.A. "The Angel that thinks too much" mailto:kaosking@voicenet.com Cool Quote of the Day/week/timeperiod of your choice: "And I'm sorry I didn't always have a match That could start a fire big enough for your heart to catch." - Jewel Kilcher ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 13:42:56 PDT From: "* Jewel *" Subject: ET: Prayer Please.... Hi everyone...well I just found out a lil' while ago that my little sister's bestfriend's boyfriend just died. I think he was 15...he was riding a motorbike for the first time, wiped out, broke both wrists and his nose, and went off a 14ft. cliff into a river and drowned. They found the body 30min later, dead. I didn't know this guy personally but my lil' sister and her friend hung out w/ him all the time and I would sometimes eaves drop on their phone conversations w/ him and Vicky (the girlfriend) would *always* talk about him....my sis has a pic of him in her room. When I went to go look at it, I just broke down crying, and I don't even know the guy. I just think its such a sad tragedy to die at such a young age with so little chance at life. So, all I ask of you guys is to say a prayer for his family and friends to get through this. Thank you... Love Always, *~Kristen~* (\o/) /_\ "Its amazing how a soul can leave suddenly from a body, rendering it useless, and stealing its desire to breathe" ~Jewel ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 16:38:51 -0700 From: Jan Winters Subject: ET: realization i'm sitting here sipping some apple tea. it's pouring outside, you know the wild rain that scared you when you were younger but now you kinda like it. it cleanses the soul. but here i am, minding my own business, thinking. i was cleaning my room getting ready for school tomorrow, but of course, i stopped for a tea break. anyhow, that's when i realized something. something that i can't shake. alright, here we are on this list talking about how crappy we are....so on so on so on, lots of reasons to blame: mommy didn't say you look great today, ex boyfriend said you were ugly, your not the best size, the media portrays teens as being beautiful and not all awkward, and my favorite, you played with barbie one too many times and now think you need big boobs and small waist. the thing is, i'm always like this, beating myself up. i just started wondering WHY. and i think i know, in a twisted way, this might actualy be why with me, and with someone else. here's the thing, it boils down to expectations. if i'm "pretty" and popular and smart and all those great, lets go out and achieve them but never can things, then peoples expectations of me are going to rise. i have this really pretty friend, she looks like barbie. she wears lots of makeup, has long permed blond hair, perfect tanned skin, she is swimsuit model material. well last night we were talking and she asked why i wear this one pair of jeans, that it doesn't show my ass. but i'm telling you, i've had these jeans for years now and i live in them. they are great. sure, a guy was stopping by her house and she was busy putting on makeup and i was busy searching for some candy in her room, but the thing is this dude that was going over to her house wasn't gonna expect to see me all dazzled up for just his lousy arrival, of course he would expect her to be. BUT I'M THE ONE THAT HAS THE CRUSH ON HIM. so basicaly, what i'm saying is, we get these weird expectations of people, and i think in a lot of ways i'm scared of people expecting me too look great all the time. sure, prom i looked good and now and then i look real nice. but not all the time, its a special treat to see me dazzeled up. it's just another ordinary day to see my barbie lookalike friend dazzled up. this also goes along with smarts. i'm smart, but i get lousy grades. i hate raising my hand and i hate it once that english or history teacher realizes that i know what i'm talking about on something. because then they always expect you to know what you are thinking and talking about. i think basicaly i have a strange fear of expectations. does this make any sense at all??? now that i'm thinking about it, i did read a calvin and hobbess comic strip one time. calvin got an F on his homework and susie got an A. she bragged about it nonstop in class to calvin, but calvin simply said "now for the rest of your life your going to be expected to get A's". which is true. i don't really know where i'm going with this at all, but i think sometimes it's scary to be the best you can possibly be. because you don't want to show your true self. what happens if you do get all dressed up and everyone thinks your ugyl? that would crash the ego more then if you are just blah looking and didn't care. what happens if you study real hard and think you know what your doing and get an F??? then your really stupid. it's just easier to be passive and "not to care", because once you do everything you can do, then your showing who you really are. does this make any sense? ugh, i'm stop now. if anyone read this then WOW you have just entered the babbles of kat. lucky thing..hehe kat ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V1 #116 **********************************