From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V1 #57 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Friday, June 19 1998 Volume 01 : Number 057 Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: visit [Angeljlb96@aol.com] ET: thoughts and poems ["Naomi Vaughn" ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Thu, 18 Jun 1998 02:21:18 EDT From: Angeljlb96@aol.com Subject: ET: visit Sam's right! Why the hell is noone posting? (myself included) JON! LARA! NICKY! Get your asses out here and post! Umm..k...posting...don't know what to say...lalalalalal...la...la...la...........la So hi everyone! Anyone care to talk to me that I don't already know? I'm nice! really! Just ask the people on this list...really! Right Lara? Tim? Jon? Ncky? Lissa? James? Sam? Naomi? RIGHT?!?!?! Okay...so I'm probably annoying everyone..I'm just trying to say hi...sheesh...DON"T SEE YOU GUYS OUT HERE DOING THIS!!!! ugh...=Þ So Jon wants me and we're gonna have sex...yep...sounds like fun, huh? Sorry...just thinking...you know how it goes. So Lara's doing good with her mans...and my mans...or mens...or whatever...we don't want to discuss that...I'll just say me and Jon are engaged...and he's my escape. Yea...love that guy. HEY LAURA MADE ME DINNER!!! GOD I LOVE THAT BITCH! ummm....macoroni and cheese...and mozzerella sticks...sheesh...that girl sure do you know what she doing! Okay...bye for now =) Love, jamie ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 18 Jun 1998 19:42:05 -0700 From: "Naomi Vaughn" Subject: ET: thoughts and poems Hello angels~ I haven't posted in a bit. I have been writing some, but small little things...written just to write, so I haven't really thought to post them here. I've been having a really hard time lately...things have been really bad here the past few days...and I am trying so hard to handle it, but it's hard sometimes. I can't talk to my parents, cause for starters, I can't talk to my parents...then, it's them that's having all the problems. And me and my brothers are the ones affected. I've tried talking to my sis, but she just tells me not to worry about it. To smile and be happy...that's it's not my problem, and to live my own life. Impossible things in my mind, but I do try to not let it get to me this way. I've tried writing as a release..but i've just been so frustrated, and things are so mixed up and complicated..I haven't been able to sort my thoughts into something that actually makes sense. So i've been driving myself mad, with no real knowing of why. I wish I could pinpoint whats upsetting me so much...I guess it's just alot of things. It's all just so confusing. I feel so terrible for feeling this way...I feel like i'm being selfish or something, but what can I do?? I don't even know what's going on. Maybe it's right there in front of me, but I don't want to see it. Oh, I don't know..! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go on like this..thank you for listening, if you are still reading this. Here's some poems I wrote last night when my sis told me to write to make myself feel better, and not care how they came out. I couldn't really think of titles, so for the sake of reference, they're called #1 and #2. Till next time angels.. forever and a day, Naomi the unknown angel naomisplace@angelfire.com - ------- #1 A thousand thoughts echo through my mind robbing me of my sanity I desperatley try to make sense try to find some meaning some reason for this madness i'm so confused! so frustrated!! so lost completley lost like I made a wrong turn that turned into another that led to another and on, and on now it's dark and there's no one around and i'm scared i'm scared of where I am scared of where i'm going I shout at the stars trying to understand why this affects me so! why can't I live my own life? I wish I were unaffected by the things they do! I cling to listening ears endlessly babbling looking for some hope! looking for answers! looking for an end to this ongoing madness!! 6.18.98 - -------- #2 you look to me expecting answers expecting some explanation for my inane behavior frustration written on my face deep madness etched in my eyes you attempt to pull me from my shell from my chaotic safe house you tell me to let it go to be happy. smile. I look at you wondering how you could think me capable of such things let go of this?? how can I?? It has a firm hold on me and I've ceased fighting it I sit weakened before you the madness turned to regret it's not that I've given up but I see no need to fight it nothing makes sense anymore and your words reach only deaf ears I stare. wishing there was a way to erase myself. to vanish from memories and mankind you tell me life's not so serious you tell me i'm young. I should be happy. I agree. but where does that leave me? can I really just decide to step out of this shell? can I just walk away from this? looking at this rubble, about my feet I can't imagine, it's that simple can it be so simple?? you tell me not to let it bother me not to let it get to me this way but how?? how does one cease thinking? if I just stop thinking about it and walk away from it all it will still be there getting larger and larger and the next time it hits me I do fear i'll be crushed tell me, will I be able to walk from it then?? 6.18.98 - --- "I'm not completely insane...i'm maybe just a little bit crazy..." ~Alana Davis Angelfire for your free web-based e-mail. http://www.angelfire.com ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V1 #57 *********************************