From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V2 #297 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Saturday, October 16 1999 Volume 02 : Number 297 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V2 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: Lyrics ["Claudia" ] ET: Some funny stuff! ["Jeremy Hodgins" ] ET: MORE funny stuff! ["Jeremy Hodgins" ] Re: ET: Some funny stuff! ["~* cymbaline *~" ] ET: Poem (Like the Final Stars of Morning_ [Christopher Overholser ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Fri, 15 Oct 1999 10:43:49 +0200 From: "Claudia" Subject: ET: Lyrics Hello everybody! Does anyone know where i can find the lyrics to 'Old Lover's House', 'So Close to Heaven', 'Happy Endings', 'My Valentine', My Body is changing', 'I thought I saw you last night', 'I don't want to be loved by anybody but you', 'Angel' and 'Do you want to play' ? I would be very grateful if someone could help me! Thanks a lot and Take Care! Claudia ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 15 Oct 1999 04:43:25 PDT From: "Jeremy Hodgins" Subject: ET: Some funny stuff! Hey! Just some funny stuff i found on the net! HHhhmmmmmm?? What is the speed of dark? When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in? Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's? If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras? How come you never hear about gruntled employees? What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water? If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? What's another word for synonym? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11? How can there be self-help groups? Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, its called cargo? Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Where are Preparations A through G? Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs? If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like? When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away? When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting? What happened to the first 6 "ups"? If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow? Why does your nose run, and your feet smell? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. I was an only child, eventually. I lost a button hole. I got a dog and named him `Stay'. Now, I go `Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all. I have a map of the United States, life size. 1 mile equals 1 mile. It's a pain to fold it. I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age. Last year for Christmas, I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier.... I thought I'd put them in the same room and let them fight it out. My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them. Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out." Sponges grow in the ocean ... I wonder how much deeper the oceans would be if that didn't happen. I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'Do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'Oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.' Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. What's another word for Thesaurus? When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?" You can't have everything. Where would you put it? If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? I planted some bird seed. A bird grew. Now I don't know what to feed it. You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les. I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specific. I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say,' Have you got anything I'd like?' Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, ' Extra medium.' I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said. I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast. I have an answering machine in my car. It says "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." Thats all! Jeremy. ________________________________________________________________ Get FREE voicemail, fax and email at http://voicemail.excite.com Talk online at http://voicechat.excite.com ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 15 Oct 1999 04:46:44 PDT From: "Jeremy Hodgins" Subject: ET: MORE funny stuff! Hey! Even more fuunny stuff! Here comes fun! Why ask Why? Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? Why do noses run and feet smell? Why is brassiere singular and panties plural? How is it that a building burns up as it burns down? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Jeremy. **The Scorpion, Peace Loving, and Kind & Gentle Angel!** My ICQ number is 42872979. Please visit my homepage and sign my guestbook? http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Nebula/9655 Around Yahoo! chatrooms I'm know as scorpius_48 "There are pleanty of people who have prayed for peace, But if praying were enough it would have come to be." Jewel, Life Uncommon. ________________________________________________________________ Get FREE voicemail, fax and email at http://voicemail.excite.com Talk online at http://voicechat.excite.com ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 15 Oct 1999 12:36:25 GMT From: "~* cymbaline *~" Subject: Re: ET: Some funny stuff! I recongnized alot of those as Steven Wright. I love Steven Wright! Here's one he did that cracked me up once: "I had a puppy. I named him Stay. Whenever I'd say Come Stay! Come Stay! he'd go like this. (fill in movement here)" Peace, kelly ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 15 Oct 1999 17:36:15 -0400 From: Christopher Overholser Subject: ET: Poem (Like the Final Stars of Morning_ This is a poem from the first month of this year. All comments are welcome! Like the Final Stars of Morning My love is like the final stars of morning; they still shine and are forever lasting even though the dawn of the world is too bright and its light hides my love from sight. ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 15 Oct 1999 20:34:42 PDT From: "Jeremy Hodgins" Subject: ET: Satire....... EDA's, I'm having trouble collecting and analysing stirical pieces for the english topic that I need to study........I was thinking that the poem by Jewel "Sun bathing" was extreamly satirical of the way that men bond with thier boys, I was just wondering what were your thoughts on the matter, and If you could give me any idea of any stirical tools (eg, ridicule, irony, sarcasm, parody) that are used in the poem........thanking you! Jeremy. :) **The Scorpion, Peace Loving, and Kind & Gentle Angel!** My ICQ number is 42872979. Please visit my homepage and sign my guestbook? http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Nebula/9655 Around Yahoo! chatrooms I'm know as scorpius_48 "There are pleanty of people who have prayed for peace, But if praying were enough it would have come to be." Jewel, Life Uncommon. ________________________________________________________________ Get FREE voicemail, fax and email at http://voicemail.excite.com Talk online at http://voicechat.excite.com ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V2 #297 **********************************