From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V2 #9 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Sunday, January 10 1999 Volume 02 : Number 009 * If you ever wish to unsubscribe, send an email to * eda-thoughts-digest-request@smoe.org with ONLY * the word unsubscribe in the body of the email * . * PLEASE :) when you reply to this digest to send a post TO the list, * change the subject to reflect what your post is about. A subject * of Re: eda-thoughts-digest V2 #xxx or the like gives readers no clue * as to what your message is about. Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: 2 short writings, let me know what you think please [winters ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 09 Jan 1999 21:33:22 -0800 From: winters Subject: ET: 2 short writings, let me know what you think please my thoughts. kat THE MOUNTAINS AND STARS(where did they go?) you told me that i needed to grow, i was too immature. a 5 year difference, i should have known things would never work. but you also said i was beautiful, you also promised me the mountains and stars. here i am though, a few months later, and a different person. it all started with me being aggresive, seducing an older man. you stunned by the monologue of my life, and i charmed by your words. things moved a bit too fast and i became your lolita, if only i could turn back time....no, things have only leathered up my skin. if only you could see what you have done. god you came into my family. waltzed into my home thanksgiving, ate my mothers fudge. you even spoke to my father, kind words given about me. everything was so perfect,a little girls dream. i should have known what you really were, i should have realized how little you cared. the way you spoke to me, the way i was never right. the way nothing was ever fair. would it have been too much to ask for? a call after kissing my worries away. i asked you if this would hurt, i asked you if you were going to walk away! and you laughed in disbeilf, "What you don't trust me?!" that is what you said. as if i was being naive, as if i was dumb to head warnings from everyone. ah, but you charmed the family and friends. you weasled your way into my thoughts and everyday life. an hour late all the time, but you would always make up for it, with a quick smile and a kiss. but i must have asked for too much, i must have became too dependent. didn't return calls, no you must have been to busy. and what no christmas card? why expect such things, from a man. a slap in the face, that's what you are. laughing with a new girl, giving her my mountains. knowing all to well, of your little lolita miles away. of your little girl who was so insecure, and needed your every word. god damn you! those stars aren't mine, and i know you just don't care. i have grown up in the past few months. i was shown a world that i never wanted to see. the silence still shocks me, and my eyes still water up. how you could leave without saying good bye, and how you could just walk away as fast as you came in. i should have known, i should have known. but so should you have. THE HAND I HELD a few years back we met. sometimes i think about how badly we needed each other. i, the strong, loud one and you the quiet, shy one. we leaned on each other for advice and good times. thought the years would never end. thought high school was just some sort of joke, a real long one that never has a punch line. or maybe an independent film with no plot, but lots of art. we thought that high school would last forever. me, you, and a few dollars. somehow i became weak, switched roles with you. i managed to lose that spark, the one i had at first. i put myself in messes, i created choas, i lost who i was. and you just watched, and held my hand. god i thought these years wouldn't end, that this friendship could never fall through the cracks of time. that this was something special, something unique. i thought no one else knew, knew how wonderful it was too look into a friends eyes, and know that person wasn't going anywhere. it all seems to final right now. the way we are talking about the future, remember when we spoke of it like someone elses'? and now we are filling out applications, we are reading into strange cities, we are getting to know apart of us that we never knew. we are starting to find each other, without the other one's hand being held. i guess what i'm saying is, may 22 is coming. i see everything going so fast, i feel like i'm losing a friend, but gaining a whole new world. but what, what if i don't want to lose that hand holding onto mine? and what if i'm not ready for that world. for expensive coffee, for even more asshole boyfriends? you say your going off to seattle. i'm proud, that your getting out of here. you have an intern at a country music station. i keep making redneck jokes, but i see your future. how badly you want to work with music, even if it's not punk. here i am, i really don't know what i'm doing. just wanting to study and travel. i'm backpacking through europe without you and your going to seattle without me. it's funny how a few years back we swore this would never happen. but this is what happens to friendships, they grow apart over time. letters come and postcards of foreign cities. but soon everything fades away, and even though high school was that bad joke, i see the punchline now. it's those days of skipping class and trying firsts. it's those roadtrips with a small budget and bob dylan. it's those moments that you know someone is right next to you, and even when they leave, they still wont be that far. ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1999 22:05:56 -0500 From: cmgordon2@juno.com (Courtney M Gordon) Subject: ET: angry story BAD INFLUENCE We were just two stupid teenagers. Me, with the illegal older boyfriend, you, being that stupid one willing to sleep with Jerry, that guy who never showed. So we stayed the night in the woods, me with my boyfriend, you with your beer. You get drunk, I get scared. You tell us that the trees are turning colors, swirling around you and are threatening you. I think 'I always knew you were a little off the deep end, but this is rediculous.'. We find our parents are pissed. We get grounded. I lose my best friend Serina because of the fact that YOU were drunk. Her mom hates me. I'm a "bad influence" on Serina. You are still the perfect Christian who still sees, hears and speaks no evil. That's what you tell me: "My mom doesn't hate you, she just doesn't want her to get in any more trouble." well, you're not innocent. (You're not even Christian, you're baptist, retard) I tell Serina's ma, you get pissed, and write me all these horrible letters about how bad a person i am, and I almost kill myself. ****I almost kill myself*** because of YOU. But I'M the bad person. I ruined my life with my family and friends for you, and all you can say is that your mom doesn't hate me, I'm just a bad influence. Damn you! love and stuff from that angst ridden chick that's too angry right now for her own good, Courtney ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 09 Jan 1999 23:39:54 -0500 From: "Seth D. Fulmer" Subject: ET: long time no talk Hey peoples :) This is Seth(as if it took you this long to figure that out). I was surprised how well I was able to stay sane after the holidays. I think Wednesday was the first day I started breaking down and then it was mild...Today was a complete breakdown but then all of a sudden I just felt better..I have no clue why(but you don't see me complaining). Anyhow...The day after Xmas I went to Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota for a National Convention for my Service fraternity to which I belong, Alpha Phi Omega. It was a blast even though I was a Voting Delegate(yes in September when I signed up I wanted to be) and I didn't want to be. We were in legislation for 2 days(the first was from 9AM until 2:30AM the next day and then we started again at 9AM and continued until 3PM) with breaks in between for like 10 minutes each. I met this girl(we're a coed service fraternity so we have female brothers) Holly who was also a Voting Delegate and she was sitting right in front of me in the sessions(her chapter was right in front I mean)..We were passing notes back and forth and after the 2nd day of legislation there was a banquet and I asked her to it. I don't seem to have problems when stable of asking girls to things/events..just for things(like phone #s, email addresses, objects)...Well, anyhow, she asked me for my email address and Tuesday she emailed me and every day since then it's been where she emails me..I email her and the next day same thing. I asked her for her phone # after really wrestling myself with the issue and after a friend Amanda's like "What's the big deal? Just ask her!" Well..I'm waiting for an email now from her but I wanted to email you guys about what has been up(not like anyone cares or should)..I also wanted to pass along 2 poems(well one's a poem and another's babbling) from when I started to break down again...Here they are..they're untitled for now :) - -------------------- 1/6/98 by Seth D. Fulmer Holly and Laurel;Ginger and Rose Summer comes by and leaves us a heartthrob Pearl and Jewel, Honeysuckle and Daisy Melissa has a sweetness even without sugar Deana is a little goddess more beautiful than Venus Mars is so pigheaded that Uranus is an iceblock Maria is a laugh more beautiful than sunshine Renee was reborn and granted a pure spirit Gayle is a wind that blows with all its might Robin is a pretty bird that shows the wind who's right Try as he might, a Pierre is never Rich but a Hawk is a bird who flies the storm quite undaunted 1/6/98 by Seth D. Fulmer Anxiety comes in spells. My life is pure hell...not really. My heartrate is raised but my reasoning has ceased or has it? I'm out of my mind...I feel like I'm hunted...Maybe I just need a nap I've got to destroy these heart-racing hormones before I start sucking my thumb...too late This pencil looks tasty but I'm so full that I'm sick I can't believe that I'm whining My God is she hot! I can't believe I'm admiring a little girl relaxing in the heat What heat? It's 40 below the temperature baseline Well..Take care everyone..and PLEASE let me know if you're interested in coming to the LRC :) Smile!! :o) Seth Fulmer mailto:usfulmer@mcs.drexel.edu mailto:st96t879@post.drexel.edu mailto:kaosking@voicenet.com webpages: http://www.voicenet.com/~kaosking Cool Quotes and stuff :) "You're my survival...You're my living proof. My Love is Alive and Not Dead" - -Edwin McCain "I'll Be" ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V2 #9 ********************************