From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V1 #123 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Tuesday, August 18 1998 Volume 01 : Number 123 Today's Subjects: ----------------- Re: ET: Re: all the posts on eda-thoughts-digest V1 #118 [Summer Burton <] Re: ET: Re: Everything that is me ["Seth D. Fulmer" ] ET:Everything that is Sue ["ws r" ] Re: ET: Re: all the posts on eda-thoughts-digest V1 #118 ["Kevin Pease" <] Re: ET: Re: all the posts on eda-thoughts-digest V1 #118 [zerocool@sunlin] Re: ET: Re: Everything that is me [Cris Eichler ] Re: ET: Re: Everything that is me ["Kevin Pease" Subject: Re: ET: Re: all the posts on eda-thoughts-digest V1 #118 Seth Fulmer wrote (in a tiny part of his cool, long e-mail): > Yeah...but don't you feel like you're lying to people wearing makeup? I > I think a lot of people do lie when they wear makeup, and that's when it's bad. My take on the makeup thing is that if yer gonna wear it, it should be because it's fun and happy and cool and you like it, not because you're trying to improve upon your features. I mean, I prefer punk/ska girls who do curlicues with their eyeshadow and dark lipstick, bt wear no foundation or blush or shadowing crap to the girls who cake their face is stuff to make their cheekbones more prominent, their lips look fuller, eyes more deepset, etc, etc. My point is, makeup can be fun like an accesorie - like jewelry or clothes or a weirdo hairstyle. Right now I'm wearing purple eyeliner and tastable lip gloss. It's fun. But when you're trying to change your appearance, it sucks. Summer - -- "Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole saturday in detention for whatever it is we did wrong, but we think you're crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out, is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basketcase, a princess, and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club." ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1998 19:40:06 -0400 From: "Seth D. Fulmer" Subject: Re: ET: Re: Everything that is me At 05:04 PM 8/18/98 -0400, Kevin Pease wrote: > So, instead of reveling in our "imperfections", I think it might be a >good idea to revel in what we each do well, and in what exceptional >qualities we have. That is what makes us individuals. And again, maybe >this attitude of mine is due to a bit of perspective and a bit of maturity >gained over the past few years... but - LOTS of people have crooked teeth; >LOTS of people wear glasses; LOTS of people are a little overweight; LOTS >of people don't have perfect hair - NOT everybody can write well, or listen >well, or sing well, or run fast, or whatever else it is you do really well. >(This is not to say you should be satisfied with your imperfections, >however - you should always work to better yourself... but, don't dwell on >the imperfections, and always always always celebrate the good stuff.) Well, when I look at people, I see their good characteristics...someone who has a photographic memory...someone who is good in social settings...someone who is a math wizz or who can write poetry that makes shakespeare cry...and I am almost never impressed...The person could be the most perfect of the perfect people but I'd be like "Yeah, so what?". Even with their multitudes of good traits, I can spot an imperfection and I think my unimpressiveness is more selfish than anything...but if someone shoots out "good traits", I tend to ignore those and can see the imperfections right away. If someone tells me what's wrong with them, I tend to try to fix those traits in them to make them a perfect individual. My goal is perfection...and I want the perfect life, the perfect wife, the perfect house, the perfect pet...Maybe it's a high goal, but I'm not exactly going to stop until I get it and I get dissappointed when I fantasize about myself in a situation that normally I'd want and find out that I don't want to be with that girl I see or be in that job or hobbie. Anyhow, I've bored you all enough tonight. Enjoy your evening :) Seth Fulmer A.K.A. "The Angel that thinks too much" mailto:kaosking@voicenet.com Cool Quote of the Day/week/timeperiod of your choice: "And I'm sorry I didn't always have a match That could start a fire big enough for your heart to catch." - Jewel Kilcher ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1998 19:56:42 -0400 From: "Nina Edlund" Subject: ET: Anorexia I forget who said this .. what post it's from but... <> Perhaps. /Maybe/. I'll only believe that sort of thing happens in the early stages of anorexia, when the person first starts to lose weight. But there is NO ABSOLUTELY NO (one more time) NO way that happens when someone's been struggling with the disease for a while. Think...concentration camp. Every bone visible as if the skin was translucent. There is nothing beautiful about animated death. Please, take it from someone who knows. Nina ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1998 16:55:10 PDT From: "ws r" Subject: ET:Everything that is Sue Hey there, Well, I figure that I might as well introduce myself, since I've already given you all some of my thoughts. (And a poem-but just one, thrown in at random.)And how better to do that, then with a "me" poem. I geuss better late then never, as they say... Who am I... I am the person who wishes for fame, but does not want to be seen, who wishes to help, but not be known, I am female, but I used to strive for mystery If I could be the shadow, I would. But unfortunately, I was set on the earth with skin, with hair and bone and presence. I refelect an image in mirrors. I used to embrase the macabre, but now realise that a diamond in the rough, is still in the rough. So now I sit by the wall flowers and merge as one of them I have been hurt, and then soothed I stutter sometimes. but more often do not. I identify with the written word and music, Before I would with someone in flashy clothes I geuss that just means that I'm one of those average people who no one ever really gets to know... But if I could be the Shadow, then I would.... Perhaps that's not really peotry........... Sue "...If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." -Friedrich Nietzsche Beyond good and evil "And I don't want the world to see me, cuz I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am." -Googoo Dolls "Iris" "When everything feels like the movies, yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive." -Googoo Dolls "Iris" "When Kinderman asked him why Amfortas would allow himself to die,Doctor Coffy's only answer was,"I think it had something to do with love."" -William Peter Blatty "Legion" ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1998 20:23:32 -0400 From: "Kevin Pease" Subject: Re: ET: Re: all the posts on eda-thoughts-digest V1 #118 >> Seth Fulmer writes: >But like one time, my friend Andy's girlfriend >wanted to find out that me and the rest of his friends were "real" and not >stories. I shaved and combed my hair specifically before going out(I even >kept him waiting for that)...and nobody noticed. I'm like...Well, then >Why even try? Please don't take offense at what I'm about to say, because it may sound like I'm being a smartass... honestly, I'm not trying to be. Seth, I have to tell you... I don't really notice when I go out with my friends and they're shaved & combed & stuff. The reason is, it's sort of expected that when we're going out, we're not going to look like we just rolled out of bed... I would notice (and comment) if one of my friends showed up at my house, or at work, and hadn't shaved & cleaned up a little... I don't comment or notice when they do, because it's just expected that they will, and they do the same because they expect I will. Don't take it as an insult because they didn't notice a shave and combed hair - those are two very basic elements of "self-presentation" that most people assume they are going to see when they meet you. Trust me... when I shave before going to work in the morning, I hear nothing... if I skip a day (due to razor burn, waking up late, or whatever), I can count on the fact that the first thing out of my friend Andy's mouth when I walk in will be, "Hey, hippy. Hug any trees lately?" (Or something to that effect... he's one of those damned Air Force types. :) >Yeah...but don't you feel like you're lying to people wearing makeup? I >mean...When I saw Jewel the first time...it was at the MTV Movie Awards >and she sang Foolish Games. Seeing her there, I thought that she really >looked like that and was REALLY surprised when I saw her in a magazine >article one time without makeup. I don't see how that would constitute "lying" to you... the first time you meet (or in this case, see) someone, you form a first impression. (Hey, how's that for logic? :) That first impression, however, is *yours*, and if you reached an inaccurate conclusion from that first impression, that's not the fault of the other person, that's a result of your own mind tricking you into believing things about the other person based solely on their presentation to you. Yes, first impressions can be controlled by the way you present yourself, but in the final analysis, it's the viewer, not the viewee, who creates & holds onto that first impression - if you're surprised by the second impression you get of someone, I'd say that's more a function of your own mind playing tricks on you than it is a function of the other person "lying" to you. (As a side note, I really don't understand the big anti-makeup thing, anyway... I'm not a fan of tons of makeup on anybody, but a little bit of makeup, when applied properly, can enhance features, and (if I may say so without being excommunicated... :), make a girl look more attractive. Partly because it can enhance some features (fuller lips, higher cheekbones, longer eyelashes), or conceal others (blemishes, small scars), and partly, I think, because the girl wearing it will feel more attractive (she's "all fixed up"), and as a result, will convey an attitude of confidence. Both of which can improve someone's attractiveness. Just like nice clothes, a good hair cut, and things like that can make someone look nicer, I think makeup can be used in the same way. And I'm not saying everybody should wear makeup, or that I think girls without makeup are ugly. Just my opinion, and if you don't like it, too bad. :) Anyway. Don't kill the messenger. :) Kevin - ---------- Kevin Pease kbpease@boston.crosswinds.net (ICQ UIN: 3106063) (AOL Instant Messenger: kbpease) http://www.crosswinds.net/boston/~kbpease "Well if I were an angel, I could fly over Jordan, and I wouldn't need no Greyhound to save my soul, but maybe that's a good thing, 'cause I'll be home before I know it, And if I was an angel, I'd have a long way to go..." --(Matraca Berg)-- ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1998 20:40:31 -0500 From: zerocool@sunlink.net (Niki) Subject: Re: ET: Re: all the posts on eda-thoughts-digest V1 #118 Ok some of you people think that women will look better with make up and I am not against that or anything I just think that there are better ways to go about 'looking better' for instance putting a SMILE on your face! I just can't stand it when people walk around frowing...I think it makes that person look...oh I don't know...I just don't like it. What about you guys? But I want you all to try something- go out somewhere tomorrow and smile at everyone you see. Even if you don't know them. It really makes other people feel better when you smile at them and it makes you feel better too! (And look better) That's all I wanted to say. I'll shutup now :) *^*NIKI*^* ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 19 Aug 1998 02:57:08 +0200 From: Cris Eichler Subject: Re: ET: Re: Everything that is me Seth Fulmer wrote: > Well, when I look at people, I see their good characteristics...someone who > has a photographic memory...someone who is good in social > settings...someone who is a math wizz or who can write poetry that makes > shakespeare cry...and I am almost never impressed...The person could be the > most perfect of the perfect people but I'd be like "Yeah, so what?". Even > with their multitudes of good traits, I can spot an imperfection and I > think my unimpressiveness is more selfish than anything...but if someone > shoots out "good traits", I tend to ignore those and can see the > imperfections right away. If someone tells me what's wrong with them, I > tend to try to fix those traits in them to make them a perfect individual. > My goal is perfection...and I want the perfect life, the perfect wife, the > perfect house, the perfect pet...Maybe it's a high goal, but I'm not > exactly going to stop until I get it and I get dissappointed when I > fantasize about myself in a situation that normally I'd want and find out > that I don't want to be with that girl I see or be in that job or hobbie. > Anyhow, I've bored you all enough tonight. Enjoy your evening :) Now wait a minute... Doesn't that basically mean that on the very day you have achieved your high goal of perfection you'll be looking in the mirror and say "Yeah, so what?".............. That's a frightening perspective if you ask me........ Cheers ! Cris mailto:cris@okay.net ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1998 21:11:49 -0400 From: "Kevin Pease" Subject: Re: ET: Re: Everything that is me >> Seth D. Fulmer writes: >Well, when I look at people, I see their good characteristics...someone who >has a photographic memory...someone who is good in social >settings...someone who is a math wizz or who can write poetry that makes >shakespeare cry...and I am almost never impressed...The person could be the >most perfect of the perfect people but I'd be like "Yeah, so what?". Even >with their multitudes of good traits, I can spot an imperfection and I >think my unimpressiveness is more selfish than anything...but if someone >shoots out "good traits", I tend to ignore those and can see the >imperfections right away. But then, that's *your* deal, not theirs. My point is (and was), each person should celebrate the things they do well, their own goodness, and not dwell so much on their own negativity. Everybody has things they don't like about themselves, and things that aren't "perfect". If you want to show individuality, you should show what you're good at, and what you like about yourself. What you're describing sounds to me more like a "misery loves company" scenario than anything else (Maybe I've totally missed your point?). >If someone tells me what's wrong with them, I >tend to try to fix those traits in them to make them a perfect individual. Again, that's your deal... you can't create perfection anymore than anybody else can, and in my experience, many (most?) people who talk about their problems are either: 1. Fishing (hard) for compliments. This isn't the most elegant way to do it, it's crude, but it works. 2. Just want someone to listen and a little bit of sympathy, not a handyman to tell them how to fix their lives. I don't see how you (or anybody else) can presume to know how to "fix" another person to make them a more perfect individual. Maybe you can attempt to make them more perfect _in your eyes_, but that's a very subjective version of "perfection", isn't it? >My goal is perfection...and I want the perfect life, the perfect wife, the >perfect house, the perfect pet...Maybe it's a high goal, but I'm not >exactly going to stop until I get it Hey, my "fantasy" goal is perfection, too... fantasies are good for that, because they remind us of our potential. But I can & will be perfectly happy & content with an average-looking wife who loves me and that I love, a house that doesn't have termites & carpenter ants, and a dog that doesn't poop on the rug. Those three alone are hard enough to get, I suspect. Don't get me wrong, if I woke up in Bill Gates' mansion tomorrow with a perfectly compatible, Jenny-McCarthy-ish-clone of a wife next to me, and Lassie and Rin Tin Tin fetching my slippers... I'd have a hell of a good time. But, if I hold myself to that standard, I'm going to be awful damn unhappy in this life. I've heard something to this effect said before (forget where I heard it, and who said it), and I happen to think it's pretty accurate: Happiness isn't having everything you want, it's wanting everything you have. If you always want more, you're not going to be happy. If you're content with what you have, you're going to be very happy. That doesn't mean you can't try to write a better poem, or design a nicer house, or do any number of things that will better yourself, and your life... but contentment isn't "everything is perfection," contentment is "this is just perfect." >and I get disappointed when I >fantasize about myself in a situation that normally I'd want and find out >that I don't want to be with that girl I see or be in that job or hobby. Again, this is more your deal than it is everybody else's problem. You're fantasizing about people, and jobs, and hobbies, with an unrealistic notion of what that person / job / hobby is truly like. Don't blame other people because they don't live up to your notions of what they "should" be like. In my perfect fantasy, everybody on earth lives exactly the way I think they should, there's no such thing as driving really slow in the passing lane, and chocolate is a nutritious food. Oh yeah, and there's no war, no hunger, and no pollution. Now, I'd love to live in that world 24 hours a day, but there's also a real world that I think I can add something to, and help to make a slightly better place. If you dream too high, you're going to become intimidated by the sheer grandeur of your own goals. I'm not going to have a perfect life (Hey, I'm going to die, right? That right there isn't too cool with me), and I'm not going to stop war, pollution, racism, hunger, and disease in my life. But I can make contributions towards those goals, and hope that other people will do their part, as well. There's a difference between setting your sights high, and setting unrealistic goals for yourself. Head in the sky, but your feet on the ground, and all that motivational stuff. Kevin - ---------- Kevin Pease kbpease@boston.crosswinds.net (ICQ UIN: 3106063) (AOL Instant Messenger: kbpease) http://www.crosswinds.net/boston/~kbpease "Well if I were an angel, I could fly over Jordan, and I wouldn't need no Greyhound to save my soul, but maybe that's a good thing, 'cause I'll be home before I know it, And if I was an angel, I'd have a long way to go..." --(Matraca Berg)-- - -----Original Message----- From: Seth D. Fulmer To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Date: Tuesday, August 18, 1998 7:44 PM Subject: Re: ET: Re: Everything that is me >At 05:04 PM 8/18/98 -0400, Kevin Pease wrote: >> So, instead of reveling in our "imperfections", I think it might be a >>good idea to revel in what we each do well, and in what exceptional >>qualities we have. That is what makes us individuals. And again, maybe >>this attitude of mine is due to a bit of perspective and a bit of maturity >>gained over the past few years... but - LOTS of people have crooked teeth; >>LOTS of people wear glasses; LOTS of people are a little overweight; LOTS >>of people don't have perfect hair - NOT everybody can write well, or listen >>well, or sing well, or run fast, or whatever else it is you do really well. >>(This is not to say you should be satisfied with your imperfections, >>however - you should always work to better yourself... but, don't dwell on >>the imperfections, and always always always celebrate the good stuff.) > >Well, when I look at people, I see their good characteristics...someone who >has a photographic memory...someone who is good in social >settings...someone who is a math wizz or who can write poetry that makes >shakespeare cry...and I am almost never impressed...The person could be the >most perfect of the perfect people but I'd be like "Yeah, so what?". Even >with their multitudes of good traits, I can spot an imperfection and I >think my unimpressiveness is more selfish than anything...but if someone >shoots out "good traits", I tend to ignore those and can see the >imperfections right away. If someone tells me what's wrong with them, I >tend to try to fix those traits in them to make them a perfect individual. >My goal is perfection...and I want the perfect life, the perfect wife, the >perfect house, the perfect pet...Maybe it's a high goal, but I'm not >exactly going to stop until I get it and I get dissappointed when I >fantasize about myself in a situation that normally I'd want and find out >that I don't want to be with that girl I see or be in that job or hobbie. >Anyhow, I've bored you all enough tonight. Enjoy your evening :) > > >Seth Fulmer >A.K.A. "The Angel that thinks too much" >mailto:kaosking@voicenet.com > >Cool Quote of the Day/week/timeperiod of your choice: > >"And I'm sorry I didn't always have a match That could start a fire big >enough for your heart to catch." - Jewel Kilcher > ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V1 #123 **********************************