From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V1 #81 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Wednesday, July 15 1998 Volume 01 : Number 081 Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: good will hunting [karagarbe ] ET: My new poems! ["Dr. RomeAntic" ] ET: I'm back!! [Angeljlb96@aol.com] ET: Re: eda-thoughts-digest V1 #72 [Angeljlb96@aol.com] ET: Re: eda-thoughts-digest V1 #72 [Angeljlb96@aol.com] ET: Re: eda-thoughts-digest V1 #72 [Angeljlb96@aol.com] ET: Re: eda-thoughts-digest V1 #72 [Angeljlb96@aol.com] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 02:18:45 -0400 (Eastern Daylight Time) From: karagarbe Subject: ET: good will hunting Hi angels, I need some advice if any of you have the time to offer it. I just finished watching "Good Will Hunting" for the first time and it forced me to face a situation that I've been letting myself ignore, making excuses to leave alone. If you've seen the movie you'll know why it got me thinking. (and if you haven't seen the movie, I highly recommend it) I'm going to try to keep this short and to the point. Like many of you guys, I'm empty, lost, and just generally depressed, seeking escape and all too often having to remind myself that there's a reason to live. I think that what makes life worth living is what you value more than your own life; the only thing worth living for is that for which you would die. I've found that: love. I've found someone who takes away the emptiness, someone who I want to live for. Someone who I want to live with. But he lives on the other side of the country. I can't handle one week visits separated by three months of loneliness. I'm trapped here on the east coast going to college. This is what I'm supposed to be doing, right, being the good girl getting a valuable education? Having the time of my life living it up in that precious time when I'm young, on my own, but not under the pressure of having to support myself. I'm supposed to be happy, right? Having fun and getting the education which is going to get me the nice job and the nice house and the nice family and the nice happy perfect wonderful life? Well at this moment, I think that I'd be happy without the college degree, living in a one room shack and working at McDonalds for the rest of my life if it meant that I could leave work every day and come home to him. But I've been raised to be the good girl, to make my parents happy. I feel responsible for their happiness. But we aren't close at all, they barely know about him and they wouldn't understand the way I feel. I can't abandon my life here because I feel like I can't abandon them, and I can't take what I know their reaction would be if I did give up everything for him -- they'd mock me behind my back, mock my feelings. I can't handle that rejection from them. I guess it's like I'd rather pretend that everything is okay by keeping the illusion going in their eyes that I'm happy and doing fine, the good child they can be proud of. but i've spent my whole life trying to be good for them, and now that i know exactly where i want to be, selfishness is creeping in. this is my life isn't it? it's killing me and him to be apart. i think that he is my future... i am actually happy, truly happy, when i'm with him. that's such a far cry from where i am right now. is there any reason for me not to be with him? i don't know what answer i am looking for... i don't know how strong of a person i am, i don't know if i should follow my own heart right now, or if i should wait two years... i just feel like, god, i don't want to miss out on a second of his life, a second of our life together, a second that i could be so happy and complete... but i'm sitting here in silence doing exactly that, as the clock ticks and we both go through the agony of isolation.... what should i do? what *can* i do? sorry i didn't live up to my attempt to keep it short. thanks for listening and if you have anything that you think might help me out, please write... peace and love, kara _____________________________________________________ "If you could give people one message, what would it be?" "Love." --Ed Kowalczyk, lead singer of Live ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 18:00:30 +0200 From: "Dr. RomeAntic" Subject: ET: My new poems! Hello Angels!! I gotta tell ya... the amount of poetry posted last week is overwhelming... way-a-go!! OK this post today is just about me sharing some of my poetry... I can't really say if poem are any good yet... they're still fresh and I need some time to figure their value... in the meantime, if you wish you can decide for yourself... here they are: CALL ME WINTER Embracing all the evil stares and "I'm sorry" glances leaving the site of the early defeat nothing will stop me I can run away but whispers catch me all what they say They called me Winter I would sit and stare Through half open window playing with wind and my orange curtains I'm immune to chills it seems freezing the view I never realized till now How they were right I act like Winter . . . . on the edge I sit slip beneath my jacket i warm my hands to my own absence i finally see the willow there morning creeps into my hair mourning hangs eerie I don't notice I sit and stare with frozen scream in my throat finally I brake out and loudly say I am Winter I think it was loud only in my head LACE Unfolded laundry all over my work spot or so it seems all in white charming lace... I say Particular thoughts engage in my mind Reveal the darkness beyond the glow what a pretty lace, I say Swallowing the moment in the hideous yearn leaning on the window to be closer to your reflection I cover you with my palm How soft is that lace, I say Turning around again all in white I take off my filthy clothes to make a mark I ain't got no lace, I say not really... WAIT If there ever was a time I wished for walls of my bassinet I know it's now cause I'm facing life I don't want Useless being craves for recognition But does everything to stamp his uselessness I roam and i roam and i roam it sounded so much better in my head in this spot I left years ago... taking along the bitter-sweet 100% pure heartache and pain and self-disappointment All thee who feel unite and the world will break and weep But nothing will change... I still will roam in this spot I left years ago still waiting for you to come along and pick me up... I could use a little pick me up... and a life - -- Have fun and stay beautiful Dr. RomeAntic, an angel with the worst stroke of luck "I smell it on my skin holding fast to me it's only fear I know it very well my four walls have eyes through which I can see where I could go if I didn't know I embrace familiar harbouring no anger I'm just trying to reconcile So familiar then I crumble behind my wall of smiles..." Soraya/Wall Of Smiles/Wall Of Smiles Catch Dr. RomeAntic's cyber image @ http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Metro/2009 ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 23:49:33 EDT From: Angeljlb96@aol.com Subject: ET: I'm back!! Hi everyone!!!!!!!!!! James writes: << HI JAMIE THAT NEVER WRITES ME! >> I've been in Cali! You knew that crappyhead so lay off! Jon!!!! I missed you so much!!!!!!!!!!! Lara...I swear I'll write you back dear =) And everyone else...HI! I loved your poems, dear. I missed you guys!!!! It was SO wonderful out there. Nothing but mountains (which I've never seen before), palm trees, ocean, and VERY good company. So I recommend it to anyone who's not there =) Very inspirational. I didn't write while I was there (*gasp*)...I guess I was just busy...but I did write a journal on the bus there and back, and I wrote a song when I got back...maybe I'll show you guys sometime. BUT...I did write a song a few weeks ago that will now always remind me of Cali because Ryan and I sang it and stuffus =) I'll write it out for you guys...but without the music...it's not much. Surrender by Jamie Mathews Night falls over the tear-stained sky and the moon sings me to sleep I lie alone under an endless sky reminiscing of what once was and what can never be... Has it come to this? Will the power-hungry night be all that remains of dreams? Then so be it. As the moon swallows me in it's warm embrace and the dew kisses my ever-flowing tears away I am no longer alone I am no longer alone We wake up in different shades of grey searching for signs of red and blue and the sun shines a vibrant glimpse of yellow...overwhelming and the wind blows calmly through trees Has it come to this? Will the vulturistic day be all that remains of peace? Then so be it. As the moon swallows me in it's warm embrace and the dew kisses my ever-flowing tears away I am no longer alone I am no longer alone Hope you guys liked it... Love, Jamie ~The time between meeting and finally leaving is sometimes called falling in love~ Lisa Loeb ~It's crazy I'm thinking just as long as you're around that here I'll be dancing on the ground...Am I right side up or upside down? To each other we'll be facing...by love we'll beat back the pain we've found. You know I mean to tell you all the things I've been thinking deep inside, my friend..with each moment the more I love you~ Dave Matthews Band ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 23:52:23 EDT From: Angeljlb96@aol.com Subject: ET: Re: eda-thoughts-digest V1 #72 <> Hi Sam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Great poems!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! << Hi James though I'm not supposed to want to say hi>> You two! stop! Love, Jamie ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 23:53:34 EDT From: Angeljlb96@aol.com Subject: ET: Re: eda-thoughts-digest V1 #72 In a message dated 98-07-07 00:05:48 EDT, you write: << hey jamie.. >> Hey Naomi!!!!!!!!!!! GOd...I can't keep doing this....you guys are gonna hate me...I'm just trying to catch up! So...if anyone has said hi to me in the next few hundred thoughts....HELLO!!!!!!!!!! Love, Jamie ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 23:54:53 EDT From: Angeljlb96@aol.com Subject: ET: Re: eda-thoughts-digest V1 #72 In a message dated 98-07-07 00:05:48 EDT, you write: << what's up with everyone's shout outs to everyone else and how come i'm not included =( ? >> Okay guys...sorry, but I hate people feeling left out, so HI SEAN!!! Sorry...I don't know you...that's why you didn't get a shoutout, but I'll try to remember next time!!! Last time...I swear. Jamie ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 23:58:54 EDT From: Angeljlb96@aol.com Subject: ET: Re: eda-thoughts-digest V1 #72 In a message dated 98-07-07 00:05:48 EDT, you write: << This is the thing about women, we just sit here and hate and hate and hate.... >> Sam...You've got a GREAT point there sweetie....I've realized it before. But I'm gonna have to say that I disagree with Bea's advice about not being angry. The ONLY thing that got me through my ex cheating on me and the other ex....is by being furious. I seriously don't think I would have gotten over it as easily if I wasn't so outwardly angry...so if anyone on the list doesn't want to hear it...you are more than welcome to just let everything out on me, dear. Love, Jamie ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V1 #81 *********************************