From: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org (eda-thoughts-digest) To: eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Subject: eda-thoughts-digest V1 #72 Reply-To: eda-thoughts@smoe.org Sender: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-eda-thoughts-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk eda-thoughts-digest Monday, July 6 1998 Volume 01 : Number 072 Today's Subjects: ----------------- ET: So you think you know me [Bebe838@aol.com] ET: just cuz i'm awake [Bebe838@aol.com] ET: hey [moonsong@ix.netcom.com (Us)] ET: another one [moonsong@ix.netcom.com (Us)] ET: hey angels~ ["Naomi Vaughn" ] ET: my summer retreat [NiKoS12@aol.com] ET: hey again ["Naomi Vaughn" ] ET: me again. [Bebe838@aol.com] ET: and again.. ["Naomi Vaughn" ] ET: help [moonsong@ix.netcom.com (Us)] ET: advice 4 sam and a poem [Bebe838@aol.com] ET: and again... ["Naomi Vaughn" ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 6 Jul 1998 01:57:36 EDT From: Bebe838@aol.com Subject: ET: So you think you know me So anyways,.. here's a poem,... a pretty shitty one i should say, but the worst of comments are welcome just cuz i sometimes like to be criticized.... =) chao. So you think you know me You think you know where my eyes look when i'm lying through my teeth or how i speak when i'm saying something different with my hands or how they shake when i have butterflies in my stomach and when i'm hungry for anything I cry with the eyes that look to the eyes I lie to with my hands that shake when i'm hungry Well, you don't. only me,... bea ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 6 Jul 1998 13:34:16 EDT From: Bebe838@aol.com Subject: ET: just cuz i'm awake hey guys,... well,.. i wrote another poem last nite,. just cuz i was awake and i'm having trouble sleepin. oh well,... At night in my dreams you would come to me and hold me close to you so close close i can feel so near your skin so soft and your breath so slow against my own and your hands wandering feeling and seeming so strong so powerful almost unreal and then I wake up. as always, CAW (my new acronym for Comments Are Welcome =)) okay,... keep smilin only me,.. bea ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 6 Jul 1998 12:47:36 -0700 From: moonsong@ix.netcom.com (Us) Subject: ET: hey Hiya, Here are some poems. First, I want to thank my critic and friend Dr. RomeAntic for saying those sweet things about my poem, I dunno I guess the best things are straight from the heart. I really appreciate it and I was completely taken away.... Hi James though I'm not supposed to want to say hi, Hi Jamie though you're in Cali, Hi Naomi, Hi Holly, I hope I helped. Later angels, Sam the ? angel untitled SM July 5 1998 I am so exhausted I just want to lay down and leave everything for awhile Run to the window and jump fifteen stories feel the swiftness of being pulled straight to the ground and then stopped from falling The office mirrors stop whizzing by and I'm caught by a gigantic feather dream that lifts me along the currents of the wind and all life's complications sweep out of me Falling back down through the feather to where they belong And I float gently as the breeze stirs and relaxes my mind Eyes closed against the open sky, the cluttered, pulsing, honking mass swarming far below, out of sight The feather takes me up and frees me through the gentle sea of currents and occasional far-off birds drifting up and down I am so weary I just want to breathe out the steam and breathe in a light soft gentle calmness to smooth the creases of my busy mind and send a soothing balm over my palms in through my veins and all over my soul letting me see clarity just one time a brief glimpse of simplicity I am so tired I just want to move away from all the hell I keep encountering and keep the love, joy, the life right on with me lay down on a serene peace and accept things for being what they are A Hot Hell SM July 6 1998 Let's just go to hell now and pay early for our sins Maybe if the price is paid soon we won't burn for so long This fire that eats away at me tells me I'm already gone And the wicker chair caught too All enflamed in the heat of our own ashes What I have to pay for someone else's wrong Every moment burns me still I never even had to leave no title July 6 1998 drawstring shorts riding low black crop top hugging glose black lining her eyes that cast a stare so mournful and long, you turn away blow-dry her hair to fly-away pieces dangling around her neck in up-curled drifts glossing lips that barely saw the touch of day she applies confidence but her eyes betray her they are dark specked lights and catch your attention hauntingly pure highlighted by lashes she smiles but her eyes deepen sadly she lays on the floor when no one is looking closes her eyes and her head in her hands destroys her assured armour you cannot touch her or break through to her soul for it is guarded with foil and her eyes cast shadows moonsong@ix.netcom.com ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 6 Jul 1998 12:49:21 -0700 From: moonsong@ix.netcom.com (Us) Subject: ET: another one See what you think angels.... Sam the ? angel Yellow Petals Fall Sm July 6 1998 She smiles though her heart heaves the sorrow of the ages and there is nothing strawberry-pink-glossed lips can deny Her soul is sweeter than the plums from her trees and the sunlight seeps in her skin and remains She cries But only in solitude, when the butterflies are her confidants And they carry her whispered secrets home to flowers that never tell She seeks that clarity and understanding we all so desperately pursue Her eyes trace the sunflowers curving down from the sky as yellow petals fall She dances on the bed of flowers that hold her confessions close and though she contains her simple innocence, you see in her eyes she is shattered moonsong@ix.netcom.com ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 06 Jul 1998 14:16:32 -0700 From: "Naomi Vaughn" Subject: ET: hey angels~ Hey Angels~ I hope everyone's well. I'm alright, trying to sort some things out, but overall everything is okay. Here's a few poems...as always, comments are great. :) Smile angels~ Amour, Naomi the unknown angel ICQ# 10320304 ~hey james...hey shawn...hey doc...hey sam...hey jamie...hey kara...later angels~ ;) - ----- broken A whisper. a pause. confusion, quickly to come. your eyes hiding answers from view; emotionless. I try to see your soul, to see your intentions, to know my fate, and where I lie. in your heart? in your head? or nowhere to be seen. just a plaything to be used and broken, then slowly to heal and regain my soul, only to be broken, again. 6.28.98 - ----- you a subtle sweetness undetectable by most but I see in you what they fail to precieve I see you for all you are all you can be they see your misguided moments of foolishness and your sparks of selfishness I see you, smiling at me holding me so close in a way that makes me forget there's anything or anyone else in the world that erases all but that moment your kisses, so sweet making me crave unending moments, with you you speak so sincerely such words making my heart beat rapidly beneath my flesh making me giddy, with emotion you were the happiest moments I have experienced and you were the greatest pain I have known but I care for you with perhaps, an undeserved devotion. they remind me of the bad times the arguing the pain I remember those nights I spent just being with you you made feel so special like you were undeserving of such a gift like I truly meant the world to you now that you want me back they tell me i'd be a fool to go back to you but when you talk so sweet and smile in anticipation my heart melts and I am defenseless I can not say no. 6.28.98 - ----- #14 delicate flowers crushed beneath brutal strength so carelessly stomped out. once roses, they've now become weeds, infested with thorns, ready to prick the next steel fist that comes to smash out life 7.3.98 - --- "How many corners do I have to turn? How many times do I have to learn, All the love I have is in my mind?" ~Verve Angelfire for your free web-based e-mail. http://www.angelfire.com ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 6 Jul 1998 17:36:56 EDT From: NiKoS12@aol.com Subject: ET: my summer retreat Autum, winter, and spring all are wasted. They're wasted by my yearing for summer, and you. Thoughts of sunflowers, lemonade, and nights of unbrideled ecstacy occupy my mind beds of flame kisses of passion my flesh melting beneath your Tounge But when it arrives it's gone all to quickly. Leaving me to wait, and drool, dream, of the many summers to come ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 06 Jul 1998 15:49:45 -0700 From: "Naomi Vaughn" Subject: ET: hey again Wow, 2 in one day... ;) Here's some more poems...later angels~ :) Naomi the unknown angel icq# 10320304 - ---- so many things There's so many things I could say but I won't I won't open myself up to you baring my soul I won't tell you my deepest thoughts or secrets I won't miss you when you decide, it's time to go no, I won't let you break me like that i'll let you kiss me, hold me go ahead, call me hon, baby, sweetie tell me you love me tell me you won't go i'll play the part of your "love" but, I will never give myself to you again. 7.2.98 - ----- boy do you see something worth dying for? will you give yourself up completley to this? if someone defies you, will you stand? or duck to their will? can you be strong to your beliefs, your wishes? will you give in, to someone else's dreams, forgetting your own? are you sure in might, and strong in will... you can't take this lightly or be delicate to touch no dasies and pansies here this is the real world, boy you better grow up fast 7.3.98 - ---- #17 a twisted knot of thorns for a heart she'll break you with a glance her veins pump ice and her soul is frozen she looks of a goddess and feels, like stone 7.5.98 - --- "How many corners do I have to turn? How many times do I have to learn, All the love I have is in my mind?" ~Verve Angelfire for your free web-based e-mail. http://www.angelfire.com ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 6 Jul 1998 18:52:32 EDT From: Bebe838@aol.com Subject: ET: me again. okay,... so this is the third time i've posted within a 24hr period. I don't normally have so much time on my hands, but i've just been thinkin alot that's all. so anyways,.. what's up with everyone's shout outs to everyone else and how come i'm not included =( ? just kiddin. keep smilin you guys,.. an angel named sean is watchin over ya. ____________________________________________________________________ Okay If You Want to THAT bad, I'll let you You can sit alone and cry all day turn pale and white and hide from everyone and everything cuz if you want to THAT bad, i'll let you and if you want, you can crawl deeper into the dark and shrivel yourself in shadows so you'll see noone nothing hey, if you want to THAT bad, i'll let you You can even lay in your bed alone until your bones grow weak with your pain so weak noone nothing not even everyone or everything anyone or anything can help you not even faith cuz hey, if you want to THAT bad, I'll let you CAW ("shitty"ones or not -thanx naomi ;o).. ) only me,.. again,... bea ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 06 Jul 1998 16:28:40 -0700 From: "Naomi Vaughn" Subject: ET: and again.. hey there! it's me, yet again...I was just pouring over my notebook this morning, which is the reason for my previous 2 posts...then I was writing and got this line I really liked, and just had to do something with it, so, here...comments are much appreciated. :) bye...? ;) Naomi the unknown angel - ---- your words weary hands fumble for answers searching for a reason, some explanation for this... I don't know the question to which I seek the answer I crawl inside your words, these pages, attempting to regain the assurance I've lost I can't seem to get out from between these lines caught up, in all that hasn't been said and all, I'm afraid to ask. 7.6.98 6:05p.m. - --- "How many corners do I have to turn? How many times do I have to learn, All the love I have is in my mind?" ~Verve Angelfire for your free web-based e-mail. http://www.angelfire.com ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 6 Jul 1998 14:30:45 -0700 From: moonsong@ix.netcom.com (Us) Subject: ET: help Hey angels, HELP. I am like MAD here. Let me explain. Isn't it really low for your ex to go after your friends? Or for your so-called friend to go after your ex? My so-called apparently-slut bitch of a "friend," it turns out, called up my ex-boyfriend after he dumped me and asked him to come to this event that is basically her event (it's a get together that happens ever week or every other week or so). He said okay and she enthusiastically said she'd be there. Isn't that the lowest? Right after he breaks up with me, there she goes, right for him. And it really pisses me off cause my ex's lame reason for dumping me was that he doesn't want a girlfriend right now. So obviously there's competition here with this girl cause the second I am dropped she takes off, but I feel like the loser, because, well, I am the loser. I kinda feel like, you know, those stories where the guy cheats on his wife with a younger girl cause his wife supposedly didn't have it all? And what can the wife do but hate them both? This is the thing about women, we just sit here and hate and hate and hate.... Anyway I'm having a really hard time dealing with this. I have to see them both at a party at her house on the 18th, which I'm miserable about, if he goes out with her it proves he lied to me and she did too (what do guys even see in her? She is far from pretty and I haven't known her before to be a slutty type). She's this kind of person who says one thing and acts another. In my opinion she is no better than a lying S.O.B. I'm really kind of hurt here even though I shouldn't be I guess.... How can I get over it or else tell off my not-friend and lying-ex (getting even sounds really good right now)? Unfortunately, this is okay, it's not cheating cause he dumped me already, but that is THE lowest a person can go, going out with their good friend's ex right after he dumps her. Or am I way off.... Sam the ? angel moonsong@ix.netcom.com ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 6 Jul 1998 22:22:16 EDT From: Bebe838@aol.com Subject: ET: advice 4 sam and a poem hey sam,... looks like your back to worryin and sweatin that worthless, lowlife ex of yours (also known as a "guy") again. oh sweetie, please don't. holding this anger inside of you is definitely not good. I admit what your ex and that coniving-bitch-that-was-supposedly-your-friend are doing is not right but hey,.. don't even let it bother you. He's so not worth it. This is life babe. Take it as it comes cuz yknow,.. "shit happens". if he does go to that party with her it doesn't mean that he's just automatically gon be with her and it doesn't mean that he's already lied to you. But if he does, and he did, well then that's just another lyin sack of shit (ahem,.. excuse my french) that'll eventually get what's comin to him. i assure you. and remember, getting even with some asshole only means sinkin to his level. okay,.. well,.. i hope i've been of some kind of help. keep smilin baby! =) and here's my poem.... >>>>> So I check again and he says with his monotonous voice "there are no more messages" well fuck him. the phone rings i stare should i pick it up? yes no but i do "hello? my discover card?" courtesy call bitch. i need a nap i'm sleeping something familiar i hear tapping behind the curtain the window i walk over it was the tree and the wind damnit. finally, i'm smiling cuz i see a man outside with roses and a clipboard he goes to my door rings the bell i open it with my arms out he greets me with "hi flowers for Susan" My smile vanishes i say "next door nimrod" and slam the door in his face. dumbass. i know i used profane language more than usual in this email,.. if it offended you, i'm sorry,.. i don't know what came over me,.. =) CAW,... only me,.. bea ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 06 Jul 1998 20:39:51 -0700 From: "Naomi Vaughn" Subject: ET: and again... hey all, it's me...again. ;) i'm just on such a rush right now, iow, really, really, full of energy..! soo..here's 3 more poems I just wrote since my last post. wow, this is my forth post today...are y'all sick of me yet? its alright, you can admit it. ;) bye!! forever me, Naomi the unknown angel ~hi bea!! I really liked your last poem!~ :) - ---- imagine I could hold myself and imagine it's your arms around me and not my own I could write a long letter and dream of your reply dream of words of love you'd speak and the precious days after the nights spent just being with you I needed nothing more than you and oh how we'd sit so close and talk for hours and the pauses were comfortable filled with the warmth of your kisses and the comfort of your embrace i'd sigh a content sigh and pray for an eternal sleep so i'd never have to awake from this heavenly dream your eyes on me, so full of such amazing love my hand to your cheek I pray for this to be real oh god, please don't let me awake I don't want to feel the emptiness of my own embrace and I don't want the reality of these pages before me but looking around, all I see, is this empty room. bleary eyed, I fall into a lonely and exhausted sleep my only comfort, the promise of my dreams. 7.6.98 - ---- her her tongue licking your soul a trail of tiny paper cuts she can press herself to you and make you forget all else she can kiss you so deeply so strongly making your memories vanish maybe this is her appeal she is your escape your release you lose yourself in her and forget the broken promises and bruised souls and you forget, where you should be, who you're not with. when you leave, wiped clean of all your sins free to start again with no remorse for all that was forgotten 7.6.98 - ----- someone I really admire someone who can go their own way and never look back to see what people think someone who can exsist outside of, the circle and still speak up and be heard someone who's confident enough to just leave and doesn't have to wait for people's goodbyes to know they will be missed 7.6.98 - --- "How many corners do I have to turn? How many times do I have to learn, All the love I have is in my mind?" ~Verve Angelfire for your free web-based e-mail. http://www.angelfire.com ------------------------------ End of eda-thoughts-digest V1 #72 *********************************