From: owner-cranlist-digest@smoe.org (cranlist-digest) To: cranlist-digest@smoe.org Subject: cranlist-digest V4 #14 Reply-To: cranlist@smoe.org Sender: owner-cranlist-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-cranlist-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk cranlist-digest Sunday, March 11 2001 Volume 04 : Number 014 Today's Subjects: ----------------- %Cran: Fwd: concert go-er archetypes - no cranberries content [Suzy Asto] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 10 Mar 2001 18:39:40 -0500 From: Suzy Aston Subject: %Cran: Fwd: concert go-er archetypes - no cranberries content Hi everyone, sorry to be posting non-cranberries content. I got this from another list and had a good laugh. I hope you enjoy it. Suzy > ok we all know we've seen them... and even been one or more of them... > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Someone sent this to me and I think it's funny. What archetype do you fit > into? > > ----- > > 1 . The World-weary Sound Guy > He's seen it all before and just to remind you of > that, he is critical of everything and everybody. > Cigarette dangling from his lower lip, he > grumpily sets up the microphones all the while > muttering, "I could blow any one of you wankers > off the stage if my girlfriend would just get off > my back." > > 2. The Kid with the New Fake ID > The sheer illicit giddiness of drinking in public > for the first time might explain the stupid grin > on his face, but more likely it has to do with > the six whiskey sours he's downed in the past > hour. By the end of the night he transforms into > "The Kid with his Head in a Toilet You Wouldn't > Even Sit On." > > 3. The Girl with the Killer Boots > Her boots are most likely the coolest thing in > her wardrobe, but they are absolutely fantastic. > Her boots attract envious comments from everyone. > Inevitably, three people will ask her where she > got them, but no one will ever find such > marvelous boots again. > > 4. The Creepy Predator > Usually an accountant-looking guy in his early > 40s, he is clearly out of place among the younger > faces. He'll dress according to what he believes > someone half his age will find hip in an attempt > to lure some young thing back home with him. Do > not, however, confuse him with... > > 5. The Aging Rock Critic > Chances are he would have come to the show even > if he weren't on assignment, but the free > admission always helps. Most of the time, > especially during the opening acts, he'll try to > explain to his > companion why the opening band is a cheap copy of > some indie band no one has ever heard of. On > occasion, however, the band will catch his fancy > and he will suddenly become... > > 6. The Raving Fan > This person will hoot between songs, nod > knowingly during solos and grin madly while the > object of their affection is on stage. Sometimes, > this adoration will have sexual overtones, but > usually > it's merely the result of sheer joy. Often, this > individual can be identified simply by the > quantity of merchandise he has purchased. > > 7. The Bouncer with a Heart of Gold > Built like a Sherman tank, this person could > easily pound you into a tiny ball, which he would > then deftly kick into the nearest garbage can. If > you ask his friends, however, they'll all tell > you that it's merely a front and that underneath > he's the nicest guy you'd ever want to know. > > 8. The Shrieker > Inevitably, she stands right behind you, usually > a little to the left. Her enthusiastic screaming > could place her in the "Raving Fan" category, but > whereas the Raving Fan is relatively harmless, > the > Shrieker has been directly linked to brain > tumors. > > 9. The Stoner Brave Enough to Smoke in Public > Although rarely seen, you can smell him as soon > as the lights go down and the band takes the > stage. > > 10. The Crying Girl > No one knows why she cries. Maybe it's an > ex-boyfriend, a stolen jacket or overwhelming > musical passion. Nevertheless, she sits in the > back corner and sobs while everyone else steals > voyeuristic glances at her and kills time between > sets guessing what is troubling her. > > 11. The Drunk Person Who Has Made Regular, > Annoying Pilgrimages Through the Crowd to Get to > the Bar, and Now Suddenly Needs to Get to > the Bathroom Pronto! > This person annoyed you the first six or seven > times he/she shoved past you, blatantly > disregarding your personal space and slopping > beer all over you. Now, you must fight the urge > not to let him/her past you, lest you wear the > contents of his/her stomach. > > 12. The People Who Came to Socialize with Each > Other > Ever seen these assholes? They show up at a show, > stand right in front and then proceed to carry on > a loud conversation as the band attempts to play. > Hey, if you haven't seen each other in years, go > have your reunion in a restaurant or something.) > > 13. Asshole Mosh-Pit Guy > This is the guy who is permanently stuck in a > thrash show. You could be calmly watching Red > House Painters, Low, Auburn Lull, Labradford > (you know, something really chilled out) and this > guy comes flying through the air, rams you in the > back, and you go scrambling three rows of people > forward slamming into ten other people who now > subsequently think that YOU are the Asshole > Mosh-Pit Kid. This same jackass kid gets his > butt kicked at least once a show. I knew the next > generation was brain-dead when I saw girls > moshing at a Doors cover band show years ago! > That guy left though... he's been replaced all > the more efficiently by > > 14. Crowd-Surfing-Guy/Girl > (which, IMO is infinitely worse than Asshole > Mosh-Pit Guy). Crowdsurfing is the sure fire way > to get a nonviolent person like me to punch > random people. Something about a boot to the > base of your skull to really release all your > anger on an unsuspecting 15 year old... I almost > felt sorry for that girl... nah. > > and then some more generic characters: > > 15. the guy or girl who bought their tshirt > before the show and now has to hold it awkwardly > the whole time because its too big for any of > their pockets. > 16. the two guy/one girl showgoing party. the > girl is always cute, and is either dating one or > none of the guys. the guys both make her lots of > mix tapes that she'll never be able to finish > istening to. neither really have a chances with > that girl, she's looking for the most "in my > mind, i'm in suede" guy in the room. > 17. the person who thinks [insert genre] means > dressing like you're in the [insert 50's, 60's, > 70's, 80's]. > 18. pedal fetishists- immediately after they get > their hand stamped, they saunter, oh so casually, > but oh so intently, up to the stage and try not > to act like they can scope every effect box on > the floor. these people are hardcore. i've seen > them ditch their dates at the door, pass up > relatively empty bars, merch tables, all just to > see what's gonna get some stomping that night. > these aren't just guitar snobs, guitar snobs can > check most everything out while the show is going > on. pedal fetishists, by contrast, are people > nerdy/precise > enough to get to the show early. > 19." I Can't Tell if I'm Stevie Nicks or Patricia > Morrison" Girl- she's kinda goth, she's kinda > hippie, but no matter how dark the dye is, the > Birkenstocks let you know she's more Marley than > Murphy. ------------------------------ End of cranlist-digest V4 #14 *****************************