From: owner-chakram-refugees-digest@smoe.org (chakram-refugees-digest) To: chakram-refugees-digest@smoe.org Subject: chakram-refugees-digest V3 #88 Reply-To: chakram-refugees@smoe.org Sender: owner-chakram-refugees-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-chakram-refugees-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk chakram-refugees-digest Tuesday, April 1 2003 Volume 03 : Number 088 Today's Subjects: ----------------- Re: [chakram-refugees] Spam Emergency! I believe my Juno address has been stolen! [NZJester > ["Cheryl Ande" ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2003 16:41:38 +1200 From: NZJester Subject: Re: [chakram-refugees] Spam Emergency! I believe my Juno address has been stolen! At 11:08 pm 24/03/2003 -0600, you wrote: >I'm getting bounce backs from people I don't know >with spam filters sending back spam crap I did not send them! I'm getting a number of e-mail from different address that have the klez worm attached that my ISP has been filtering one of them had a @xena.com extension address and I'm sure I recognized a few other address of other Xenites put together as composites like certain names I'm familiar with but with different @(servername).com extensions My ISP automatically bounces back messages to those addresses and sends me a note to let me know it has done so the problem is that these new variants of the virus hide where they really come from they pick e-mail address at random from the infected computers address book and use one as the from address and one as the to address or composites of two address as the from I'm betting there is a poor Xenite out there that has me and some of you in there address book that has been infected and does not know it due to this viruses devious masking of the original senders address please get updated anti virus software and scan your computers for these nasty bugs folks I check my computer on a regular basis - -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Catch ya later NZJester - -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ========================================================= This has been a message to the chakram-refugees list. To unsubscribe, send a message to majordomo@smoe.org with "unsubscribe chakram-refugees" in the message body. Contact meth@smoe.org with any questions or problems. ========================================================= ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2003 17:53:35 -0500 From: "Cheryl Ande" Subject: [chakram-refugees] <> # # # # You Are There is an amusing comedy based on an old TV series from the fifties. The series reenacted famous episodes in history with modern day reporters covering them. The novelty of the series was that actual CBS reporters played the reporters in the series thus adding an interesting mixture of fact and fiction. This episode takes this concept and plays it for laughs and a bit of satire. Xena and Gabrielle return to the Norse lands once again. They look up their old comrade, Beowulf and ask him to help them get to Odin. Beowulf, however, is not only oddly uninterested in helping his friends but is no longer smitten with Gabrielle. When a group of Valkary show up to stop Xena, Beowulf also sits out the resulting brawl. Xena of course kicks Valkary butt but her fight is interrupted by a most remarkable arrival. Up pops a TV crew and an obnoxious "investigative" reporter. Dressed like Gerardo Rivera at his most macho, Nigel has come to discover the truth behind Xena's return to the Norse lands. The funny thing is that no one seems a bit put out by the appearance of these living anachronisms. Xena certainly is not pleased that her brawl has been interrupted but she doesn't seemed to be astonished in the slightest by her sudden appearance on TV. Nigel soon is interviewing Xena and Gabrielle in a studio. The interview goes badly. Although Gabrielle seems quite pleased with her introduction as the Battlin' Bard of Potedeia, Xena has little patience with Nigel's questions. Nigel it would seem is not actually interested in finding out why Xena has returned to the Norse lands. He already has his own theory - Xena has come back to kill Odin and assume his place as a god. His interview soon devolves into a series of accusations and charges. Xena is now ready to pound the little annoyance into the ground but Gabrielle saves Nigel. Nigel is now on the hunt. Nigel like many a TV investigator is less interested in discovering the truth and more interested in proving his own version of the truth. So off he goes to interview all the people he thinks can prove him right. In Hades he interviews a very over-worked Hades and an impatient Caligula. Charon says yeah Xena's good for business but she is just a drop in a bucket for him and besides she always pays her way across the River Styx unlike another unnamed super hero (thinking about how many times Xena died she must be a major source of revenue for Charon). Caligula is still pretty sore at Xena for his death. He obviously has figured out how he was tricked into killing himself. He denounces her as a murder and points out one of her victims. Unfortunately the disgruntled "victim" turned out to have been murder by Caligula himself. Nigel is undaunted using Caligula colorful quote "I was a god, a living god and the bitch took me out" he segues to his next interview. Nigel next interview is a mysterious spokesman for Odin. This invisible man says that he knows why Xena has returned. Nigel however has figured out that the invisible man is Odin himself. A sullen and now visible Odin reveals why he believes Xena has returned to the Norse lands. She has come to steal his Golden Apples. Apples that will not only make her a god but also will restore godhood to her lover Ares. Together they will rule the world. Nigel is skeptical because Xena and Ares have been rivals. Odin like a jealous lover denounces Xena's supposed enmity with Ares as a ruse. With fireballs blazing Odin declares that Xena has always had a thing for Ares that's why she didn't kill him on Olympus. With this new piece of information Nigel is once again off on his hunt for interviews. He surprises Gabrielle at her bath but is beaten to a pulp with Gabby's loofa sponge. He has better luck with his next interview. Nigel and crew show up at Ares farm, which is more dilapadated than before. Ares has taken to drink and still can't find his shirt. Nigel accuses Ares of being Xena's lover and plotting with her become a god again. Ares says it would be nice if it was true - he doesn't do mortal well - but Xena could have been his queen any time. It just isn't true. Xena now makes inopportune entrance. Nigel forces his way into Ares shack over the former gods loud protest and discover Xena. Nigel is elated he has found proof that Xena and Ares are in cahoots. The two big warriors throw him out but Nigel smells an Emmy and he is thrilled. Now Nigel is off to interview Xena's enemies from another metaphysical realm. In a cave in Heaven, Nigel meets with Michael. Michael is still pretty miffed with warrior princess. He denounces her as selfish a woman who threatened to unleash Hell on earth simply to save her daughter. Nigel does point out that she did kill Mephistopheles and save earth. Michael counters that she didn't uphold her side of the bargain and take his place in hell. Instead she corrupted the archangel Lucifer and made him take her place. Michael deftly leaves out his role in Lucifer's fall and minimizes Lucifer's own faults. Nigel falls, literally, for Michaels' story and winds up in Hell. In Hell, Nigel meets Lucifer another of Xena's enemies. Nigel implores Lucifer not to hid anything from the viewers. An astonished Lucifer says he is the king of hell and he's really bad so he has nothing to hid. He hates Xena and would love to get his hands on her. Well Nigel says he probably will since Xena is a murder. Lucifer is not so sure since Xena keeps doing good deeds. Nigel then makes a near fatal mistake and implies that Xena may be one of his demons since he is defending her character. An enraged Lucifer suddenly seizes Nigel by his neck and sizes up the little man for his own special ring in Hell. Nigel survives his encounter but will need a change of trousers. Nigel now goes and finds Eve. Eve is with her prayer circle and she invites Nigel to join them. Nigel has come not to pray but ask Eve about her mother and her lover Ares. Eve is at first polite - the time of many gods is over and her mother, though no follower of the way of love, respects Eve's way. Nigel is not to be put off. He brings up Eve's bloody past, her sexual relations with Ares, and accuses her of a "bloody minage a tois" with her mom and Ares. He tries the patience of a saint. Eve is obviously not a saint yet. She goes off like a Roman candle - in funny and profane tirade she berates and browbeats Nigel into a quivering puddle and then socks in the mouth. Nigel is pleased - talk about great TV. Finally Nigel gets his interview with Gabrielle. She has come to defend her friend but Nigel is obsessed with sex. She tries to tell him that Xena isn't Ares' lover but Nigel shows her clips of Xena's amorous trysts with Ares (Ares would be just the type to tape himself and then lose the videos). Gabrielle hardly has a chance to react when Nigel asks the $24,000 question. IS she and Xena lovers or were they until Xena threw her over for Ares. Gabrielle is confused. Nigel is persistent. Gabrielle finally reveals that she doesn't love Xena. Both she and Nigel are shocked. Xena now makes her appearance. She has come for Gabrielle but before they can leave Nigel demands to know if she and Gabrielle are loves. Xena says her "has some pair on him" but she has had enough. Nigel gets pinched. The Xena asks him who he loves - his wife, his dog, himself. He loves no one. In fact love has disappeared and that is Xena's true mission: to restore love. Much to Gabrielle's relief Xena takes the pinch off. Outside the studio Gabrielle asks what the plan is. Xena is annoyed; why does she have to always explain the plan? Can't Gabrielle connect the dots herself after all these years? Gabrielle is pissed why can't Xena just let her in on the plan - boy she wishes she could use the pinch on her. No says Xena "you can't put the pinch on you can only take it off". This is obviously a sore point with Gabrielle who is just a sidekick walking ten paces behind Xena and her horse. Xena is defensive; Gabrielle can walk beside her horse. Suddenly the two realize they aren't behaving like people who love one another do and they resolve to get love back. (The amusing point is that their bickering is exactly what lovers often do and what they have been known to do every so often). Nigel is now off to see if love is actually gone. So he goes to the local brothel. The madam is doing a booming business. Her customers are taking numbers, the girls are enthusiastic but she says this isn't about love. If her customers were interested in love they would be with their wives and lovers not here. She isn't complaining though as long as love is missing her business is booming. Suddenly Nigel hears a familiar voice, Ares in line for the house special, Thor's Hammer, is discovered and flees in embarrassment with Nigel hot on his heels. In a cave Nigel now waits for a mysterious informant. The hooded figure appears and says Nigel is on the wrong track. Xena doesn't want to rule the world but save it. Nigel asks how does she know this. The mysterious woman says because Xena saved her. Nigel isn't convinced that Xena isn't trying to save Ares but he is reminded that Ares wasn't the only god sent down from Olympus. The dense Nigel tries to guess the other god but finally the woman gives him a clue: "Follow the Love". In a clearing an exasperated Aphrodite is fending off her adoring public. Nigel draws her aside for a little chat. Aphrodite, like her brother, doesn't do mortal well. While her brother worried about gray hair, Dite is obsessed about her tiny crows foot. Finally she gets down to brass tacks. Mankind has lost the ability to love and no one noticed. It slipped through their fingers because they weren't paying attention and now it's up to Xena to restore love. In a snowy plain outside of Valhalla Nigel and Dite are dodging fireballs. They join Gabrielle and Beowulf who are watching Odin's castle where there are sounds of a fierce battle. Aphrodite is happy to hear that Gabby and Xena are still together but Gabby assures her that she and Xena will always be partners. Nigel asks if Xena is trying to kill Odin. "No," says Gabby. She has lost that power but Odin can kill her. Gabby's fears are unfounded. A victorious Xena emerges with the golden apples and Odin whom she prodding down the mountain with well placed kicks to his godly behind. Xena now has the golden apples. Odin still thinks Xena is going to eat them but Nigel is finally convinced that Xena is going to give them to Aphrodite. Suddenly Ares appears he's all spruced up and looking godly. Xena tosses him an apple and he eats. He is back to the old Ares - shooting fireballs and trying to seduce Xena. Xena is tempted - love may be missing but lust is still around. Gabby however gently keeps Xena on track. Xena tosses Dite the apple and tells Ares that his sister will keep him company. Aphrodite eats and tiny hearts float through the air. Beowulf gets the gleam in his eye back when he looks at Gabby. Xena and Gabrielle are happy again. Nigel now wraps up. Ares, back on his throne, says that all though there are sparks between him and Xena (illustrated by little sparks flying form his snapping fingers), she restored love because she is guilty for all the people she killed ("oh the pain, the pain"). Grindhilda is the mysterious deep throat and reveals she helped Xena get to the golden apples. Xena explains that love and war must be together to balance each other. Eve and her followers come to apologize to Nigel and to demand flagellation for their sins. In a tavern, Xena and Gabrielle sit with Nigel. He has one more question: Are they lovers? Xena is ready to pound Nigel but Gabby says why not tell him. Xena agrees and as the two smirks, Nigel gets ready for his big scoop. Xena says that "technically.." And the camera goes dead. Nigel doesn't get his scoop and neither does his audience. It was clever episode. Michael Hurst was good as the reported but he could have been a bit more smarmy and smug. He was just too likeable. My favorite performances were by Charles Mesure as Michael and Adrienne Wilkinson. Michael's arrogance was a perfect comic device as he preened for the camera making sure his profile was just perfect and that Nigel got is title right - ARCHangel. He looked like a proud peacock and at one point he even had the jerky head movements of a bird. Adrienne was shocking as the suddenly profane and violent Eve and she was terrific. I would have loved to have this Eve as a regular. A prophet of peace with an unpredictable temper and taste for really extreme forms of penance would have been an interesting character to have around. Xena would have really had her hands full. Everyone else was very good too - Joel Tolbeck's Lucifer was menacing and funny and for once Joel was able to restrain his more giddy nature. Kevin Smith and Alex Tydings as always were in fine comic form. Lucy and Renee didn't have a lot to do here - this episode was obviously designed to give them a break. They did have one terrific spat though with some inside jokes. When Gabby says she always walks behind Xena's horse it may have been a reference to the fact ROC's husband always found that strangely funny. It was also a pleasant satire on investigative TV. This TV journalist isn't investigating anything. He has made up his mind about Xena and is only trying to prove Xena's guilt. In his interviews with Xena and Gabrielle he doesn't ask questions he accuses. When he find Xena at Ares he jumps to the conclusion the farm is their "love shack" and reports that as fact. He interviews mainly Xena's enemies who support his own view of Xena. When he does interview Xena's daughter he does so with insults that results in a punch in the nose. He finally learns the truth simply because Xena knocks it in to him and Grindhilda manipulates him. Through out his investigation he is more interested in sex and scandal than truth. He would do well on any magazine show on TV today. There also some unsettling dialog that seems to foreshadow FIN. When the Valkarys arrive to stop Xena from going to Valhalla one says if Xena dies a hero's death she can get in. Xena replies that it is "in her long range plans." Then in the spate between Xena and Gabrielle, Gabrielle says she can't put the pinch on because she is only the sidekick. Well in Fin she finally is taught the pinch only to be promoted to hero when Xena dies. Not the outcome Gabrielle was looking for. Next week another side of Varia's ever changing personality is revealed CherylA ========================================================= This has been a message to the chakram-refugees list. To unsubscribe, send a message to majordomo@smoe.org with "unsubscribe chakram-refugees" in the message body. Contact meth@smoe.org with any questions or problems. ========================================================= ------------------------------ End of chakram-refugees-digest V3 #88 *************************************