From: owner-avalon-digest@smoe.org (avalon-digest) To: avalon-digest@smoe.org Subject: avalon-digest V4 #216 Reply-To: avalon@smoe.org Sender: owner-avalon-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-avalon-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk avalon-digest Sunday, July 18 1999 Volume 04 : Number 216 Today's Subjects: ----------------- Re: [AVALON] top 100 women [RODEISLRED@aol.com] Re: [AVALON] top 100 women [William Sommers ] Re: [AVALON] top #1 women [RODEISLRED@aol.com] [AVALON] I Prefer A Canvas With A Broad [JVapor7@aol.com] [AVALON] Canvas & Broads, Pt 2 [JVapor7@aol.com] Re: [AVALON] I Prefer A Canvas With A Broad [Colleen Matan ] Re: [AVALON] Ferry's Degree ["Richard" ] Re: [AVALON] Canvas & Broads, Pt 2 ["Will Frechette" ] [AVALON] Thanks (was Re: Gaucho rides all night long) [Tapio Kiviniemi ] [AVALON] Happy Birthday, Kim! [Helchat@aol.com] Re: [AVALON] Canvas & Broads, Pt 2 [SanJHunt@aol.com] [AVALON] I know I'm going to hate myself in the morning, [Colleen Matan ] To leave the list, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: unsubscribe avalon-digest ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 13:22:56 EDT From: RODEISLRED@aol.com Subject: Re: [AVALON] top 100 women 'Poison' Ivy Rorsach - -------------------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: unsubscribe avalon ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 10:47:34 -0700 From: William Sommers Subject: Re: [AVALON] top 100 women At 01:22 PM 7/17/99 -0400, RODEISLRED@aol.com wrote: > 'Poison' Ivy Rorsach Hey, don't be making me tell my Cramps story here. Harumph. -wfs (actually, not much of a story anyway) - -------------------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: unsubscribe avalon ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 14:10:47 EDT From: RODEISLRED@aol.com Subject: Re: [AVALON] top #1 women In a message dated 7/17/99 5:48:29 PM, sommers@sfo.com writes: << > 'Poison' Ivy Rorsach Hey, don't be making me tell my Cramps story here. Harumph. -wfs (actually, not much of a story anyway) >> OK, I'll bite--TELL red - -------------------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: unsubscribe avalon ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 14:19:47 EDT From: JVapor7@aol.com Subject: [AVALON] I Prefer A Canvas With A Broad My Fellow Avalonians, Tonight the light of love is in your eyes but will, will, WILL you still love me in oh, say, TEN MINUTES, ahahaha-HA. Well, well, what's happened here in Avalontown? Torn down all the cabanas and beachfront love shacks only to put up faceless condos and dreary fish 'n chips stands...hmmmm, Vapor SMELLS a RAT...Don't want to learn about Eddy-Kette From Fros-Tee Euro-Police. The way is dark and I cannot dog-paddle over...running wild, all my dreams have DEFINITELY fallen through. Taxi, take me to the outside of Avalonia...pedal to the metal. It is late here inside Casa Del UnderPants at the luxurious retreat they call Vapor Farms. Vaporettes, I have a stiffy and can I live in your stink...I mean, Get me a Drink and make it a Stiff One. Tonight Mr Vapor is very, very sad. Boo-Hoo Sad. For Vapor sold his $1.98 soul to a Roque and Rolle Star who has stuck a rusty shiv in his back and left him for dead. Who would have thought? I may die of a broken heart after all. Kip Anderson is singing on my ancient stereo. 'I Will Cry.' 'Letter To My Darling.' 'You'll Lose A Good Thing.' 'I Wanna Be The Only One.' Anderson made a handful of deep soul 45s--this UTTER GENIUS didn't even rate an ALBUM--for a variety of non-labels, singing his guts out and getting less than a non-career in return. Tragic magic. A fat, sweaty Afro-Delic GOD wailing over Pussy Lost and Pussy Never Had. Kip Anderson--My Hero. I wasted years of my life ferreting through hundreds of dusty 45s just trying to find that one exquisite record by Kippy. I wonder if you Avalona-tubbies have ever searched for anything besides your car keys...If Vapor had a million buckaroos he'd hand it over to Kip, stick him on a private jet, and have him personally visit each and every Avabalonian just so he could park his big fat Aus on your pudgy white forehead, leaving a Stinky Skidmark of Soul. Kip's made a couple of non-Comeback CDs--crap, of course. That's the way it goes. Everything turns to shit sooner or later. Everything--I mean, look at the Hat Choices Ferry made inside the sleeve of 'Taxi'. Did you ever want something really, truly bad and not 'get' it? Ever feel like the world's passing you by as you tappity-tappity on the dusty keyboard of life? You can tell Mr Vapor...honest. I won't hurt you. Yet. As drunken ol' Will generously acknowledged, it is Vapor's 74th birthday, and I want to give my little Avalamians a little going-away gift From Me To You, Vapor Style. So put your sweet lips a little closer to the screen. Last Night I had a dream. You were in it. I was in it with you. In this dream I am Dr Cyclops--as played by the late, great Albert Dekker. A Giant Manimal, and I have captured all you tiny weeny teenie Alabamians and stuck you in little jars. My own living Avalant Farm. What a joy, picking each of you up with my tweasers, prodding poking and studying--I must to say you looked far prettier in this state than that Parade of Poorly-Scanned Mummification Koocki has erected. A pity Francis Bacon has left us. In This Jar, Stage Left: That Pop T'Art Ninny Heather jitterbugging around naked, flower pot atop her head, mumbling something about Nam June Paik and spinning Yoko discs for the lucky unborn. BULLETIN: Heather has just discovered that 'the internet' is not exactly bringing people 'closer'. She also claims to have invented Fire and The Wheel...Avalon Cootie Bug Matan sits alone in her barren jar, furtive and unknowable, copying over her Enemies List yet again with shaky hand and dull pencil. She I had to keep on a seperate shelf--Does Not Play Well With Others. To quoth those Poets they call Poison, Every Rose Must Have Its Thorn. And somehow I keep forgetting to water Arnie's jar. Oh well. The Martinet kept droning on and on and ON and insisted on reading his fucking poetry, so I stuck him in a pickle jar. The children were SO Relieved. "Daddy made us listen to a lecture on The Noble Vocal Stylings of David Booie, circa Lodger! And there was a QUIZ! WAAAH!" Now, now... come sit upon Unca Vapor's knee...why, such a soft jumper you're wearing, junior...Shake That Full Diaper Into The Air, Takes Me Right Back... Just 4 Fun I stuck The Martinet's head on Koocki's body (the left-over cranium I used for the Avalon Pez Dispenser, avail Xmas 2525). You should have SEEN little Martinki--that shiny cueball head atop a body only a 70s lime-green jumpsuit could love....Decophile soiled himself because he thought it was Jobraith. Half investment banker, half journalist, all squawk box and only two inches tall, that damn Martinki critter clucked away so unrelentingly I finally had to take my thumb and just squash it. What a mess! Have you ever seen a Martinki explode? Not a pretty picture. Puss-yellow goo, a volcano-sized zit explosion...where do you think all that 'poesy' comes from, anyway? Don't worry, I've adopted the children. They need a dad like Vapor. And guess what kids--Big Daddy's got Marilyn Manson tickets! All RIGHT, you can wear the reindeer costumes! School's Out...For Summer, For LIFE...YAYYYY! ...cont... - -------------------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: unsubscribe avalon ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 14:21:07 EDT From: JVapor7@aol.com Subject: [AVALON] Canvas & Broads, Pt 2 3AM. High out of my MIND. Time for my pills, Nurse Kim, and gentle with the enema nozzle. On the TeeVee blares a hapless video of James Victor Scott, plugging his stinkola documentary on a variety of local morning attrocit-O-ramas. Doughlike, grinning jack-o-lanterns passing themselves off as human beings pester Mr Scott with flail-your-skin off questions like 'Does it BOTHER you that you never MADE IT?' Jimmy, ever the gentleman, parries each non-thrust as if he were conversing with Einstein. At the very end of this grim document, there on local Hawaiian Teevee--HAWAIIAN TEEVEE--Jimmy and his pianist groggily sit, wearing garish leis at SIX IN THE FUCKING MORNING, the accompanyist reduced to banging his knuckles on a pathetic old upright, Jimmy belting his soul out as the weather forecast rolls blandly behind him...one of the greatest voices of all time, a world-weary philosopher that would give Yoda pause, AN ARTIST, and did anybody notice? Did anybody CARE? It certainly didn't matter to Jimmy. He gave his ALL ANYWAY. It is also HIS birthday today and I got him nothing, pal that I am. And Jimmy's given me EVERYTHING. Amusing point: every woman Vapor has ever collaborated with in his, ahem, 'experiments' has loved Roxy Music. Or not minded it. 'So pose already.' 'Play some music.' 'OK.' 'That's good. What is it?' A saucy little brunette, smoky Ava Gardner smile...her Love wasn't Strong Enough at all, but just one look in Vapor's camera and oh, she melted my heart. Not that she even noticed, heh heh. "Say cheese, Dear, " said Peeping Vapor, sinking into a void that nearly finished him...Ever notice that it's in one's most desperate moments that Roxy sounds the thrilling-est? Falling in love, falling out...Put on some vintage disco-sludge and this she-creature cha-chaed the night away, every move sublimely awkward. Out of sync, and I loved her for it. Such cruel, cruel breasts, ahaha... Awkward. Ferry too. Bad dancer. Non-musician. Vengeful class-climber. The haughty freak alone in his wee kingdom. Broad canvas? You've got to be kidding. Ferry started with a vision the size of a postage stamp and has refined it ad nauseum until it fits on the head of a pin. Like many a true great he only has one song--and he keeps crooning it into oblivion. I recall when Vapor was in still in knickers and matching Neru jacket, first discovering The Scent of Female...the church-bell delirium of 'All I Want Is You' ringing in his oversized ears...Let's face it, Avalumpians, THAT will never be surpassed, but as they say, Youth is Wasted On The Young. Lately I have been drawn to the ever-bleaker canvasses of recent years, particularly the last two ultra-mournful non-sellers. He's crooning better than ever and he sounds BEYOND DEAD. 'Your Painted Smile'--aaaaaaaaah, this little ditty makes me WEEP. I could LIVE in that song. A stolen kiss, babe, full of dread and glitter. The obtuse Chris Kenner quote. That dumby video where old, dopey looking Ferry--celluloid sticking out of his fashion-don't cuffs--cavorts with the dames...desiccated glamour, my favorite subject. Tears of a clown, wine spilled on floor, Regrets, I've Had A Few...Thousand. Oh, and has Heather told you? Life is Sad. An Unimpeachable Source--who asked that this information NOT BE POSTED, heh heh (what's losing another friend when you're a Vapor?) alleges that not so long ago The Fairy was crying on his shoulder, weeping over a bungled Roxy reunion, his melancholy private life and that nonexistent career. Not a pretty picture, eh, Avaclonians? Humpy Dumpty had a great fall...Mark my words, he'll die just like the rest of them: a lonely old prune-faced Roque Star.....Alone on his mopey little island, smoking too much pot and muttering over imagined slights of the past while counting whatever loot remains...But I can still muster a tiny particle of love for our Phytofixed Frankenstein. Why? Because something has always been wrong, Wrong, WRONG, I Want To Be Alone, You Misunderstand Me, And By The Way, I WANT ALL THE MONEY...Poor Bryan never really got what he wanted--does he even know what he wanted?--and it's smudged all over those vocal chords. 'Does it BOTHER you that you never really MADE IT?' Failure--his saving grace? But the thing is maybe he'll die trying, just like my other friends here...(I mean, did a David BOOOOO-EEEEE song ever CHANGE anybody's LIFE? Ferry has more in common with EDWARD HOPPER than that empty vessel.) How Roxy is your life, Avalooneytunes? Did you get to do what you want, or was the play over before the first act? If Vapor kicks the bucket tomorrow he's had a WHALE of a time--Man, you know, I done enjoyed things that kings and queens NEVER had...I have had my fun/If I don't get well no more...Perhaps that action-painting on the wall via the old 20-20 isn't such a bad end after all...send me dead flowers every morning, preferrably by the mail, my little squidlets, and I won't forget to put roses on your grave. Vapor is bored and has to move on to his Ninth Life, meow...I need Kicks, just like Paul Revere and His Raiders. They just keep getting harder to find... Didja see that look Cobain gave during 'Where Did You Sleep Last Night?' Oh, the horror...The party's over, pal, and look here, they've stuck us with the bill. The jig is up, gotta run. Somewhere in the distance I hear Eddie & Ernie singing on a cheap tinny boombox, I'm just an outcast, I don't know how long I'm gonna last. And don't let this happen to you... Vapor doesn't WANT his medication...he just wants Nursie to lift her skirt and give him one FINAL BLAST OF INSPIRATION...the last whiff of Just-For-Old-Time's-Sake. A women's neck...a lock of hair. Lipstick traces on a cigarette. What lasts? Memories? So you say you're living just for fun, isn't it..what--no tiger skin? VAPOR for Azile 2001 - -------------------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: unsubscribe avalon ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 14:33:30 -0400 (EDT) From: Colleen Matan Subject: Re: [AVALON] I Prefer A Canvas With A Broad Jesus, Vapor, you say all that as if they were bad things. Colleen - -------------------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: unsubscribe avalon ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 17:34:04 -0500 From: "Will Frechette" Subject: Re: Re: [AVALON] Burn, Babby, Burn We want to burn it so we can all get some. Will - ----- Original Message ----- From: Alison Brown To: Sent: Thursday, July 15, 1999 11:50 PM Subject: Re: Re: [AVALON] Burn, Babby, Burn > Could someone explain this? What is "The Devil's Music," and why do you want > to burn it? > > Alison > > > At 7/15/99 5:15:00 PM, you wrote: > >In a message dated 15/07/99 03:27:25 GMT, you write: > > > ><< > > I keep forgetting to mention that I have a CD burner for the folks in > > the midwest baptist area if noone else has. > > >> > > > >Is this a bonfire for 'The Devil's Music' > > > >J.O'B. > > > > > > -------------------- > To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: > unsubscribe avalon > - -------------------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: unsubscribe avalon ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 23:38:46 +0100 From: "Richard" Subject: Re: [AVALON] Ferry's Degree Chris - As I recall there's a fair amount said about Hamilton and his "This Is Tomorrow" collage in the Channel 4 programme of the same name which featured Bryan fairly prominently. I have this on video somewhere and would guess it was broadcast c.1992. Richard - -----Original Message----- From: Chris Turner To: avalon@smoe.org Date: Friday, July 16, 1999 3:26 PM Subject: [AVALON] Ferry's Degree >Hello All, > >Following some speculation in this group recently, I can confirm, from an absolutely unimpeachable >source that Bryan Ferry graduated from the University of Newcastle upon Tyne with Second Class, >Division Two Honours in Fine Art (a 2:2) having been a student there from 1964 to 1968. > >In modern student parlance, our hero achieved a "Desmond" (Desmond TuTu, Geddit?) > >Incidentally, at the unearthly hour of 2.50 AM on Tuesday night, during a bout of insomnia, I >stumbled upon an ancient QED documentary about Richard Hamilton, who was BF's lecturer at University >and is seen as his Arts Svengali, (He was quoted as saying that BF was "his greatest creation") > >Although there was no direct BF reference in the programme, it was stated that Hamilton's greatest >work was a collage depicting life in the Fifties. This was displayed at an exhibition at the ICA in >London entitled, interestingly "This Is Tomorrow" Mmm.. Hamilton was asked by the programme to >update his collage using modern technology to fit the Nineties. It seemed that Hamilton had embraced >the available technology to use as a conduit for his ideas,and taught himself to program, not >unimpressive for a man in his seventies. > >Finally, for UK subscribers, can I recommend a little gem of a program, foolishly hidden away at >11.15 PM by the BBC, called "Songwriter's Circle" The basic premise of the series is to take three >noted song writers, and ask them to talk about their methods and perform their better known songs in >an acoustic set. The programs so far have been superb. Week One had Neil Finn of Crowded House, >Roddy Frame of Aztec Camera and age old Tin Pan Alleyist Graham Goulden of Yardbirds and 10CC fame. > >The second program had the ever impressive Eno collaborator and avant-garde superman John Cale, who >gave a storming performance of Fear is a Man's Best Friend at the piano. Add to this Chrissie Hynde >who told some nice stories between the hits and the piano and vocal "stylings" of Leonard Cohen's >bastard son Nick Cave and it made for a neat show. > >Tonight's offering is the nice mixture of song craftsman Jimmy Webb, Chip Taylor and one of my >boyhood heroes, King of Pub Rock and son-in-law of Johnny Cash, Nick Lowe who I saw way back in 1980 >with pub rock supergroup Rockpile. Can't wait! > >Chris > > > > > >-------------------- >To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: >unsubscribe avalon > - -------------------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: unsubscribe avalon ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 18:09:39 -0500 From: "Will Frechette" Subject: Re: [AVALON] Canvas & Broads, Pt 2 I'll have what he's having, thank you Will - ----- Original Message ----- From: - -------------------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: unsubscribe avalon ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 18 Jul 1999 02:02:01 +0300 From: Tapio Kiviniemi Subject: [AVALON] Thanks (was Re: Gaucho rides all night long) At 22:56 15.7.1999 -0400, Decophile wrote: >Welcome to the Avalon list. Thanks! All the best, -ptk- - -------------------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: unsubscribe avalon ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 19:56:08 -0400 From: "Decophile" Subject: Re: [AVALON] Canvas & Broads, Pt 2 To the people who know Jimmy Vapor: You all knew this was coming sooner or later. To all the newbies: Don`t be alarmed! He`s quite harmless. (And let me state for the record, there are NO plans for an Avalon Pez Dispenser.) Gene - -------------------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: unsubscribe avalon ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 22:17:56 EDT From: Helchat@aol.com Subject: [AVALON] Happy Birthday, Kim! > As a newcomer, I have no idea what most of the tirade was about, but even tho I don't half know what the man is saying, man, I gotta dig how he says it!! Jimmy Vapor, whoever you are, I sit here, in front of my computer, much in awe of you, man. I'm guessing you're a very interesting next-door neighbor. Good or bad, I don't know, but very, very interesting. Do you do this very often? I'm quite entertained. BTW, let us know when the Avalon Pez really does hit the market. Soon to be a collector's item, I'm sure. :>) Later, Sandra - -------------------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: unsubscribe avalon ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 17 Jul 1999 23:10:54 -0400 (EDT) From: Colleen Matan Subject: [AVALON] I know I'm going to hate myself in the morning, but I was compelled earlier, while desultorily pretending to be writing part of my Nightmare Project From Hell, to dig out (and dust off) _Mamouna_, based on a laborious second reading of Vapor's emission, in order to listen to "Your Painted Smile." Is this same album I greeted with such indifference lo, these many years? Or did someone replace it with something decent while I was out? (Yes, my dear Bahi, this is an invitation for you to expound on your theory with respect to Mr. Ferry's most recent output.) Colleen - -------------------- To unsub, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: unsubscribe avalon ------------------------------ End of avalon-digest V4 #216 **************************** ======================================================================== For further info, mail majordomo@smoe.org with: info avalon-digest