From: owner-avalon-digest@smoe.org (avalon-digest) To: avalon-digest@smoe.org Subject: avalon-digest V3 #106 Reply-To: avalon@smoe.org Sender: owner-avalon-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-avalon-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk avalon-digest Monday, May 4 1998 Volume 03 : Number 106 Today's Subjects: ----------------- [AVALON] Contest #77: In Every Dream Home A Bad Curtain [JVapor7 ] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sun, 3 May 1998 07:11:34 EDT From: JVapor7 Subject: [AVALON] Contest #77: In Every Dream Home A Bad Curtain My Fellow Avalonians, Yes, after a much-needed rest at Eric Clapton's Cocaine And Other Hits rehab center in Zaire ( by the way, my dear Slowhand, the penne with garlic and basil was excellent), your favorite contestmeister is back to thrill and annoy you. Let's not waste any time, shall we? CONTEST #77 It is Sometime In The Very Near Future. By way of the fabulous Avalon Time and Space Machine, we transport you, lucky contestant, to Bryan Ferry's home (AKA "Appalling April Vogue Layout, pages 335-341"). Cryptic wooden monkeys. Statues wearing fedoras. A nonsensical mask whose cost exceeds your yearly tab at the Price Club. The Great Books--and in hardcover. Quizzical Marrakesh tents. A Ye Olde Curtain befitting of one of those wonderous Medieval Theme Restaurants. So opulent. So un-rock. So...Avalon. It overwhelms you, and for a moment you consider palming a knick-knack before reboarding your space machine--after all, you've given so much to Bryan's career, what's wrong with taking a little back? But just then a weary figure stumbles into the room. Who is this haggard, unshaven man with the bad haircut and the out-of-fashion drawstring pants? Why is he weeping uncontrollably? Suddenly you realize it is your hero, Bryan Ferry, and all is not well in Ferry-land. Before him sits unpaid boarding school bills for Otis, reject letters from his record company, and, perhaps most disconcertingly, a court summons over a falsified prescription for Viagra. Not to mention Elsie De Wolfe has refused to redesign the bidet. Yet there is a dim light at the end of the tunnel. A group of Japanese businessmen have offered Mr. Ferry 412,000 dollars to reform Roxy Music for a private party at the Hard Rock Cafe in Guam. But there are problems. Phil Manzanera is demanding a new hair weave before he steps upon any stage. Eno has undergone a sex change and is convinced he's Bette Davis. Andy Mackay is gumming his horn and needs new teeth. Nobody can find Paul Thompson's leopard-skin Tarzan leotard, and, anyway, Bryan refuses to perform with a drummer incapable of playing that jive-ass 2,345 beats per minute rhythm he's become addicted to. Lucy wants to sing a tribute to Dali in French. And, of course, everyone hates each other. Do you tell Bryan Ferry to reform Roxy Music? Why? And, more importantly, what do they wear to the gig? Entries limited to 674,000 words. Fifth Prize Winner will receive "My Fiancee Needs The Phone, Gotta Run: The Wit And Wisdom of Heather Marie Propes," a twelve-volume set (winner pays freight). Fourth Prize is "Middy, Heather And Dawndalian: The Lilith Fair CD- Rom." Third Prize is "Drag For The Computer, Texas-Style," by Mr. Pleasant. Second Prize is an 8-track, "Rolf Harris/Graham Howard: Duets." And First Prize is, of course, a Magnificent Pampliset. Good Luck Avalonians. I dedicate this contest to the memory of Linda McCartney: rock wife, equestrian lover, and exemplary vegetarian. ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 3 May 1998 10:40:34 EDT From: Dawndalian Subject: Re: [AVALON] Contest #77: In Every Dream Home A Bad Curtain Yeah, the fedora on the bust was a bit tacky I thought.... I mean, What was the point of that decor concept? Thanks for the morning laugh, I actually Enjoyed it.... dawndalian ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 3 May 1998 11:33:20 EDT From: RODEISLRED Subject: Re: [AVALON] Contest #77: In Every Dream Home A Bad Curtain Who IS this Vapor jerk? Does he even LIKE Roxy Music? I know he doesn't like any of us. Why do we put up with it? And personally, I like the Wit and Wisdom of Heather Marie Propes. I'd buy a 24-volume set, Vapor!!!! - --red ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 3 May 1998 11:56:57 -0500 (CDT) From: Heather Marie Propes Subject: Re: [AVALON] Contest #77: In Every Dream Home A Bad Curtain I know I'm going to regret saying this, but don't worry about me : ). I used to be insulted by him at first but have become accustomed to his provocations. He's really just some harmless guy sitting around on a ranch in the middle of nowhere. When he's not out rustling cattle and riding around with an Indian blanket shooting cap guns and pretending he's Clint Eastwood, he gets his kicks out of these contests and hey, I find them pretty amusing myself! Anyway, enter the contest (I will after I make breakfast), and realize that Jimmy Vapor may be obnoxious at times, but he's here to stay. Think of him as the "coyote of Avalon." Every once in a while he takes a victim, but mostly he just stays up in the mountains and howls at the moon. Heather Marie Propes asbuch@midway.uchicago.edu http://student-www.uchicago.edu/users/asbuch/index.htm#hometop On Sun, 3 May 1998, RODEISLRED wrote: > > > Who IS this Vapor jerk? Does he even LIKE Roxy Music? I know he doesn't like > any of us. Why do we put up with it? > And personally, I like the Wit and Wisdom of Heather Marie Propes. I'd buy a > 24-volume set, Vapor!!!! > > --red > > > ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 3 May 1998 13:05:59 -0400 (EDT) From: Colleen Matan Subject: [AVALON] The riddle of the Sphinx On Sun, 3 May 1998, RODEISLRED wrote: > Who IS this Vapor jerk? Does he even LIKE Roxy Music? I know he doesn't like > any of us. Why do we put up with it? Contest #78: Who is Jimmy Vapor? Ah, the elusive and mysterious Jimmy Vapor...this is indeed one of the more difficult questions to answer. It's a bit like asking, what is love? Or, what is God? Or, what is an anaphylactic seizure? One could ponder and debate this question for aeons and never really come to a satisfying conclusion. In the end, can we ever know? Perhaps it is simply meant to be one of life's eternal mysteries. No prizes; just the satisfaction of knowing the unknowable. With reference to Dawn's musings and contest #77: > Yeah, the fedora on the bust was a bit tacky I thought.... > I mean, What was the point of that decor concept? "the fedora" cost more than most monthly rents. Which is the point. Tres post-modern, you know. And of course Roxy Music should reform. This way thousands of guys will have a new pickup line: "hey baby, do ya wanna go to the Roxy show with me?" (since we all know about guys who appreciate Mr. Ferry) I don't care what they wear, except Lucy. I hope she wears a sensible pair of black flats. Colleen ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 3 May 1998 13:51:30 -0400 (EDT) From: jason and jill Subject: Re: [AVALON] Contest #77: In Every Dream Home A Bad Curtain > Who IS this Vapor jerk? Does he even LIKE Roxy Music? I know he > doesn't like any of us. Why do we put up with it? And personally, I > like the Wit and Wisdom of Heather Marie Propes. I'd buy a 24-volume > set, Vapor!!!! > > --red Unfortunately, as a syphilitic Mr. Vapor is covered by the ADA and I am unable to delete him from the list without exposing myself to legal action. Mr. Vapor has a certain dislike for women as the result of his never having been able to touch one without paying first. I ask that everyone show a certain amount of tolerence, his more obnoxious posts usually showing up when he's suffering from open sores and this list is his way of working through the problem. x Should you harbor any additional anger directed at him, please remember that one tainted prostitute did him more damage that we ever could. Jason ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 03 May 1998 14:50:51 -0500 From: jas2347@xsite.net Subject: [AVALON] WAY COOL...You betcha Dawne wrote... ... and I have noticed that people who are Into Roxy are usually Way Cool and have incredibly broad tastes in art and music and the like... You hit it right on the head. I have ecclectic tastes going way back to the 60's so being a ROXY Fan is just a natural progression. I try not to get swayed to easily by what is currently fashionable, but to let my instincts guide me to what is unique. I have not been wrong yet. This whole list was a breath of fresh air when I discovered it over 1 1/2 years ago. Some of the stuff posted over that time has been invaluble to say the least. Avolonians are a rare breed indeed. Jas (Chicago) ROXY/BRYAN/ENO fan since '73 ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 03 May 1998 15:22:11 -0500 From: "Mr. Pleasant" Subject: Re: [AVALON] Contest #77: In Every Dream Home A Bad Curtain > Rom." Third Prize is "Drag For The Computer, Texas-Style," by Mr. Pleasant. What kind of insult is this? C'mon JVapor, I'm new and need a good ass-kicking. ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 3 May 1998 23:31:27 +0200 From: Bahi Para Subject: Re: [AVALON] Contest #77: In Every Dream Home A Bad Curtain RODEISLRED wrote: > Who IS this Vapor jerk? Does he even LIKE Roxy Music? Yes he or she does: see his/her early messages to the list under this name. And however critical s/he is of our standards of literacy (on which subject, it's actually "palimpsest", my dear Vapor) and pretty much everything else, Vapor can out-write the rest of us and is genuinely funny. Vapor's last contest and its responses beat all our discussions over some misheard lyric or other. Vapor's contributions are excellent - I hope (s)he doesn't go so far as to get kicked off the list. As for Viagra....Ferry should sell the rights to Dream Home and Mother of Pearl ("well I've been up all night") to Pfizer for their baby-boomer marketing and double up to 112 tracks with the profits. What the hell, go 224. JVapor7 wrote: >And First Prize is, of course, a Magnificent Pampliset. ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 03 May 1998 20:11:33 -0700 From: Rex Estorffe Subject: Re: [AVALON] Contest #77: In Every Dream Home A Bad Curtain Bahi Para wrote: > > RODEISLRED wrote: > > > Who IS this Vapor jerk? Does he even LIKE Roxy Music? > > Yes he or she does: see his/her early messages to the list under this name. > And however critical s/he is of our standards of literacy (on which > subject, it's actually "palimpsest", my dear Vapor) and pretty much > everything else, Vapor can out-write the rest of us and is genuinely funny. > Vapor's last contest and its responses beat all our discussions over some > misheard lyric or other. Vapor's contributions are excellent - I hope (s)he > doesn't go so far as to get kicked off the list. As for Viagra....Ferry > should sell the rights to Dream Home and Mother of Pearl ("well I've been > up all night") to Pfizer for their baby-boomer marketing and double up to > 112 tracks with the profits. What the hell, go 224. > > JVapor7 wrote: > > >And First Prize is, of course, a Magnificent Pampliset. For what its worth i also think vapor dude clever and fun, Dear Dawn congrats on the baby,did you name her pearl? ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 3 May 1998 21:32:09 EDT From: Dawndalian Subject: Re: [AVALON] Contest #77: In Every Dream Home A Bad Curtain Hi Rex, et al.... Oh Mother of Pearl, I wouldn't trade you for another girl.. Few Throwaway kisses, the boomerang hisses... spins round and round No, I did not name my child Pearl (he is a boy....), although being the subject (adored or otherwise...) of a song written by Bryan Ferry would be a dream come true.... but alas, I am left to my dreams...and most of them I have made come true.... Here's hoping... The Last Dawn ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 04 May 98 12:23:17 +1000 From: Jeffrey Hogan Subject: Re: [AVALON] Re: >Is that the guy from "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport"? Geez, he's still around? >Arnie Indeed he is still around and has recently done a beautifully restrained version of "Stairway to Heaven". I think he and Ferry are the best "interpreters" of a song in the world. And they both paint. Hey, has anyone ever seen these two in the same room? Wondering, Jake (the Peg) ------------------------------ End of avalon-digest V3 #106 **************************** ======================================================================== Please send any questions or comments about the list to avalon-digest-owner@smoe.org