From: owner-ammf-digest@smoe.org (alt.music.moxy-fruvous digest) To: ammf-digest@smoe.org Subject: alt.music.moxy-fruvous digest V3 #109 Reply-To: ammf@fruvous.com Sender: owner-ammf-digest@smoe.org Errors-To: owner-ammf-digest@smoe.org Precedence: bulk alt.music.moxy-fruvous digest Wednesday, February 3 1999 Volume 03 : Number 109 Today's Subjects: ----------------- Re: Completely off topic [absaraka@home.com] Re: Troc show ["KatieWow" ] Re: Troc show [elrond@fellspt.charm.net (Matt James)] Re: I'm out. [Gruneberg Veronica J <6vjg@qlink.queensu.ca>] 930 taper? [aleigh992@aol.comBROCCOLI (ALeigh992)] Re: A Windsor Review [Marie-Claude Danis ] Stuff to do FruCon weekend [Gruneberg Veronica J <6vjg@qlink.queensu.ca>] Re: Outing Richard Butterworth [Richard Butterworth ] Re: FruCon II [nicole.twn.is@ana.ng.at.tmbg.org (Nicole the Wonder Nerd)] Re: Outing Richard Butterworth [Richard Butterworth i don't know what the song was that was supposed to be playing in the > background, but those little guys sure seemed to like grooving to Dr. John on > my screen. The music was from Disney's animated "Robin Hood" movie from a long time ago. I remember listening to the soundtrack when I was a kid, some two decades ago...and yes, I have no life. I just wonder what the HECK the creator of that site was smoking when he/she programmed it. Mental image of the day: Taco Bell chiuahua taking a hit from a bong and saying, "Yo quiero COCAINE..." Trevor (Mountain Dew Fru from Towson U) Trevor (The Mountain Dew Fru from Towson U) > > peace, > ellen > ********************************************************************* > Some folks would be happy just to have one dream come true > But everything you gather is just more that you can lose. > ********************************************************************* > > -----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==---------- > http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 3 Feb 1999 11:17:05 -0500 From: "KatieWow" Subject: Re: Troc show me me me!!! ~~kate - -- **************************************************************************** Kate Leahy kleahy@loyola.edu **************************************************************************** nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight gotta kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight - --bruce cockburn, "lovers in a dangerous time" and so the problem remained; lots of the people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches. - --douglas adams, "hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy" we're splitting into two camps--mike, i'm with you. - --jian ghomeshi, bottom line, 1/1 *************************************************************************** Srm9988n@aol.com wrote in message ... >Hi all, > >Just wondering -- we've been talking so much about the DC show Friday, >but who's going to be in Philly on Saturday besides me, chad, Jen, Trace >and Kelly D? about a thousand of you? > >Michaela Majoun is playing a mix of Fruvous, Martin Sexton, Nields >and Jill Sobule on WXPN this hour. BJ, Cranky Monarch, and Fly all >in 60 minutes! Wheeee! > >-- Lori >************ >Keep your wide eyes wide wide open. > > ------------------------------ Date: 3 Feb 1999 16:45:19 GMT From: elrond@fellspt.charm.net (Matt James) Subject: Re: Troc show KatieWow (kleahy@loyola.edu) wrote: : me me me!!! : ~~kate Oh, me too post! - -Matt - -- - ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Matt James Voice: (301) 231-9898 x. 121 TYC Associates email: mjames@tyc.com Rockville, MD alternate: mattj@charm.net http://www.tyc.com - ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: 3 Feb 1999 16:27:32 GMT From: Gruneberg Veronica J <6vjg@qlink.queensu.ca> Subject: Re: I'm out. First, I have to say that packing that many engineers into one place is always a bad idea. Here we give them their own pub so they can be sweaty and obnoxious and engineer-like and the rest of us can continue with life. :) Second... giving birth to a DAT tape... ouch.... Thirdly, realise is a perfectly acceptable spelling. It's just not the American spelling. Try being a Canadian with "proper" spelling using an American spell checker... "No, you stupid machine, "colour" is not a spelling mistake..." (But I guess if that's my biggest complaint in life, I'm doing alright) :) :) Veronica, who is thoroughly gratified to have made a useless contribution to this thread. - -- *************************************************************************** "Never look at the trombones, | Veronica Gruneberg it only encourages them." | Dept. of Biology - Richard Strauss | Queen's University | Kingston, Ontario ------------------------------ Date: 3 Feb 1999 17:29:38 GMT From: aleigh992@aol.comBROCCOLI (ALeigh992) Subject: 930 taper? Is anyone planning on taping the 930 show this friday? If so, please email me!! I've got lots of stuff to trade!! Thank you! Aleigh Check it out! Check it totally out!! --> http://i.am/not_your_broom "Your feet are freezing in the ice of reason and it's too little much too late"~ Yazbek ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 03 Feb 1999 17:19:09 GMT From: Marie-Claude Danis Subject: Re: A Windsor Review I wrote: > > My time in Michigan was a mixed blessing... Although Ann Arbor, I liked. > > Should be a state in itself, Josh W. is right. AJ replied: > Indeed? Care to elaborate? What moment of your stay in my dear home state > was less than stellar? Think carefully before you answer! :) Hey, you were the one bitching about Detroit ;P But okay, I'm being harsh. All I saw was Detroit and a bit of highway... I'm not being fair. Please feel free to point out to me nice parts of Michigan :) Oh, and to be fair, you can come around here and laugh at MY province. I won't mind ;) Marie-Claude, de la "belle" province. (AJ, you're house is amazing. I want it. Move out.) "Yeah, we talk funny." -- Murray (6/22/98) - -----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==---------- http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own ------------------------------ Date: 3 Feb 1999 17:09:01 GMT From: Gruneberg Veronica J <6vjg@qlink.queensu.ca> Subject: Stuff to do FruCon weekend I know there are people looking for things to do that weekend, and it just came to me... why not be a part of history? On Feb. 19 the banner parade from Maple Leaf Gardens to the new Air Canada Centre will be going on in the afternoon. (This is the big, official closing MLG/opening ACC ceremony when they move all the Stanley Cup and division banners to the new building) The closing of one of the original 8 arenas... This is even more exciting 'cause I get to march in the parade! Whee!! Queen's Bands has been invited to play (take that, 78th Highlanders!), and as a Torontonian, it's pretty much a dream come true. Well, dream come true would be the Leafs staying at MLG, but this is a close second. Anyway, if I find out more I'll post it, or if anyone else knows... I don't think the information I get will be all that helpful (get on the bus, we'll drive you to Toronto, then follow the Colour Guard...) :) Veronica ("Queen's Bands, stepping off to Hockey Night in Canada...") - -- *************************************************************************** "Never look at the trombones, | Veronica Gruneberg it only encourages them." | Dept. of Biology - Richard Strauss | Queen's University | Kingston, Ontario ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 03 Feb 1999 17:41:13 +0000 From: Richard Butterworth Subject: Re: Outing Richard Butterworth Jon Knight wrote: > They simply pack 1500 sweaty engineers > into a steel and concrete room (with no ventilation) and get them to > jump up and down. Ah, I remember now. *That's* the reason I left. Tinkerty tonk Richard - ----------------------------------------- Salt fare North Sea weird stare further than the eye can see he had a head like a toy shop --`Some old salty'. Trad English song. - ----------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 03 Feb 1999 17:42:31 GMT From: Marie-Claude Danis Subject: Re: A Windsor Review > Mike was serious unfortunately - I was behind him as he headed for the > elevator after the show and the first thing he did was to ask Josh to cut > Horseshoes out of the tape. "Horseshoes doesn't exist" I believe were his > exact words. Really? You know what I bet it sounded worst on"stage" than off... - - Marie-Claude, shrugging. "Yeah, we talk funny." -- Murray (6/22/98) - -----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==---------- http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 03 Feb 1999 17:30:10 GMT From: nicole.twn.is@ana.ng.at.tmbg.org (Nicole the Wonder Nerd) Subject: Re: FruCon II On Wed, 03 Feb 1999 01:38:34 GMT, someone who looked like bmcnamee@NOSPAM.yahoo.com (Brent McNamee) whispered: >>Crap! I need help... I tried ordering tickets online to the Saturday >>night concert, but it said SOLD OUT!!! >It's not sold out - make sure you're using http://www.ticketmaster.ca - >TicketWeb is, well, whatever... Yes, TicketWeb is, indeed, run by silly people. It was they that told me that the Fruvous show last September was 21+ when it was, in fact, all ages. (As you may recall, I was pretty freaked out.) They also said that the club's phone number was in the (510) area code, a flat-out impossibility (510 is Oakland/Berkeley; 415 is San Francisco) Take everything they say with the proverbial grain o'salt. - --nicole twn *** "Just because you're floating doesn't mean you haven't drowned."--They Might Be Giants Visit Nicolopolis! http://wwwcsif.cs.ucdavis.edu/~carlsonn Reply-to address is INCORRECT! Think of it as an intelligence test. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 03 Feb 1999 17:35:48 +0000 From: Richard Butterworth Subject: Re: Outing Richard Butterworth A while ago I set the following heavily baited trap... > [1] Seeing as there's at least three of us from the UK reading this I > now feel > confident enough in our numbers to start an > anti-American-stop-knackering-our- > language flame. And not two days later, SNAP! Nicole the Wonder Nerd wrote: > You spelled "realize" wrong. Geez, take the time to learn English. Aha! I have snared myself a Nicole. Actually I was expecting to snare myself an AJ, but he went and made me feel guitly by defending me. Don't you just hate it when that happens? Anyway! Cry havoc and unleash the budgie dogs[1] of completely trivial and silly language flame war! Ho yes? And `Geez' is the correct spelling of `Jesus' is it? :) Tinkerty tonk Richard - ----------------------------------------- Salt fare North Sea weird stare further than the eye can see he had a head like a toy shop --`Some old salty'. Trad English song. - ----------------------------------------- [1] When I say unleash the budgie dogs, I don't mean that Chris O should take his trousers off[2]. [2] Unless he wants to. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 03 Feb 1999 17:59:55 GMT From: nicole.twn.is@ana.ng.at.tmbg.org (Nicole the Wonder Nerd) Subject: Re: I'm out. On 3 Feb 1999 16:27:32 GMT, someone who looked like Gruneberg Veronica J <6vjg@qlink.queensu.ca> whispered: >First, I have to say that packing that many engineers into one place is >always a bad idea. Here we give them their own pub so they can be sweaty and >obnoxious and engineer-like and the rest of us can continue with life. :) Really? Here they just hang out in the basement of the Engineering building, ocassionally scurrying to the Coffee House to recaffeinate themselves, blinking at the sun as they go. >Second... giving birth to a DAT tape... ouch.... >Thirdly, realise is a perfectly acceptable spelling. It's just not the >American spelling. Try being a Canadian with "proper" spelling using an >American spell checker... "No, you stupid machine, "colour" is not a >spelling mistake..." (But I guess if that's my biggest complaint in life, >I'm doing alright) :) *sigh* Yet another of my pitiful attempts at humour falls flat on its face... - --nicole twn *** "Gravity... there's some serious stuff. I mean, it pulls you down, but it kinda keeps you up."--Eddie From Ohio Visit Nicolopolis! http://wwwcsif.cs.ucdavis.edu/~carlsonn Reply-to address is INCORRECT! Think of it as an intelligence test. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 03 Feb 1999 19:00:33 GMT From: Srm9988n@aol.com Subject: Outing Richard Butterworth Jon the insane troll from Lufbra did say: > I'm a little unsure as to whether mentioning I've got They Might Be Giants > "Flood" album in the office will be a plus or minus point as far as the > a.m.m-f oldbies are concerned. But I'll mention it anyway. Oooh! Coolness TMBG points on the funny-spelling side of the pond! Yes you are accepted here, insanity, overheated rhetoric, and gratuitous cruelty to our wonderful Richard notwithstanding. - -- Lori (who's been accused of being delusional herself. Not to mention mad. And all sorts of other things that are Absolutely Untrue, I tell you. I have Witnesses. (And so she flaps away unsteadily, flourishing her cocktail glass...and sheathing her knife.) ------------------------------ Date: 3 Feb 1999 19:22:46 GMT From: llesi@aol.com (Llesi) Subject: Re: Troc show I'll be there of course, along with Sue Weiss and Mary Krause (if I speak correctly for you guys???!!!) and my best friend Emily who, believe it or not, has NEVER seen them live (in fact I don't think she's even really HEARD them at all--what a horrible best friend I am), so I'm psyched to convert her! Jessica Baskin ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 3 Feb 1999 12:31:37 -0700 From: katrin@dimensional.com (Katrin Luessenheide Salyers) Subject: Re: Completely off topic In article <36B87439.428C65BB@home.com>, absaraka@home.com says... > The music was from Disney's animated "Robin Hood" movie from a long time > ago. I remember listening to the soundtrack when I was a kid, some two > decades ago...and yes, I have no life. Oh wow, I believe you're right. I knew the tune sounded familiar, but I assumed it was just one of those generic little folk songs that all sort of sound alike. Roger Miller, right? As the rooster, Alan-a-Dale? So, is the ham(p)sters' song just his rendition speeded up, or was there some point in the movie where the birthday bunny Skippy and his siblings sang it, and it came out sounding like that? ...Jeez, and you think *you* have no life. > Trevor > (The Mountain Dew Fru from Towson U) And if I'd known there was another (EXTREME!) Fru from Towson, I would have sent two copies of my shameless promo Anna's way. Ah, well. k@ Dorky Spice ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 03 Feb 1999 19:24:34 GMT From: Srm9988n@aol.com Subject: Re: Outing Richard Butterworth Jon, the insane British newbie, mentioned something Alarming: > going to be quiet for a while now in case the other > members of the froup think they inadvertently tuned into > alt.music.richard-and-jon.wittering by mistake. oh, dear. he's made that Content Mistake again! We simply must state our principles and raison d'etre more clearly! Dear Jon/Jim'll/Lufbra-ian inmate dressed in orange (and quite a lovely color choice, I must say -- you've got GREAT potential [1]): Make no mistake here. a.m.m-f is in fact the cleverly disguised encrypted name of our very own alt.music.richard-wittering, wherein we provide tasty morsels for Richard to witter away at. You can ask Chad about this if you are truly concerned, but I should like to assure you that in fact you are fulfilling your duty as a fellow, albeit novice, ng member in a most exemplary way by refusing to get caught up in these outward appearances. So hold strong! Hold fast! Hold on! Hold off! [2] But by all means be one with us, and I beg you, do NOT give in to that niggling (not to be confused with niggardly,sorry there's a Washington joke there; /my bad) fear of being off-topic! Richard IS the topic! - -- Lori, who once made that mistake as well, but has come to her wits. ************** [1] that's about all the apparent-topic content necessary. In fact, that's probably overdoing it a bit. [2] oops, there I've gone and really overdone it. discipline may be needed here -- I must learn some abstemious ways. Many apologies to all I've shocked with gratuitous Frureferences. I'll try to do better. Really. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 03 Feb 1999 20:13:55 GMT From: koogle@my-dejanews.com Subject: Part Nine: My Dinner with Lisa (Chad's part...) Part the Eighth: A Right Old Man, Henry "What?" "Seven. I prefer it to hello. It breaks the ice" the shirty woman with the matches said. Cord got the impression she cut her own hair. "Oh, Seven" he said. "Match?" "No thank you" "I was like you once" she began. Cord looked at her intently gazing deeply into her head. "Career. Husband. Career. I had it all" Shirty explained, lobbing a match into the front seat where no one was driving the non-moving van. "Um... husband? What? I'm not..." Cord interjected. "But then... then..." Shirty Spice started to sob. "What happened?" "I acquired a taste for human brains. A rare condition, but not as rare as you think. It doesn't get much press." At this point, Cord is more than worried. The King, he'd be okay. He ain't got no brains to be eaten. "Um... that's understandable" Cord managed to mutter as he steathily looked around the van for exits. "Things fell apart after that. The postman. My boss. My husband. I was just getting into different recipes: Curries, Tempura. I had just discovered a great recipe for Brain Au Jous" Right after "Au Jous" and just before Cord was about to try to wiggle through those tiny slit windows that vans always seem to have on the sides, the van bursts into flames. Cord grabbed Shirty, putting his hand over her mouth so she wouldn't get a chance to have some brain lunch when he's not looking, quickly opened the rear door of the van, and stepped out into the cold night's air. Outside, the van, he noticed that it was one hepped up vehicle. Large chrome hubs shined to perfection reflected the flames that engulfed the van. The rubber from the racing slicks was releasing a pretty bad smell and the airbrushed sides, which used to show a wide varied number of shirts (some with horsies, a nice dark blue with white edges, an orange NYC thruway shirt, a beautiful looking canteloupe shirt, a hideous pink ruffled tuxedo shirt, blue with white polkadots), is starting to drip. If a photographer had been there and gotten a good picture, the scene would have definitely gotten a pulitzer prize. Just then, the Little Lord Corduroy noticed where all the flames were coming from. The King was off to one side of the van with a large backpack on. He had a mask on and a light red body suit. A hose connected the backpack to a small gun he carried in his right hand. The small gun, an industrial strength flamethrower, was tossing carnage directly at the van. "Pink ruffled shirt... too ugly... must... erg... too ugly... ugly shirt..." the King was screaming so he could be heard over the flames. Do you know how hard it is to mutter incoherently while screaming at the top of your lungs? Try it sometime. Very hard. Next to the King there was a small man trying to argue with him about the whole flamethrowing the van idea. The small man had some good arguments. "Fire is dangerous". "The shirt isn't *THAT* ugly". "Flames and gasoline don't mix". Cord took his hand off Shirty's mouth, patted her on the head and sat her down on the ground far enough away from the flames. She watched as a small man argued with a crazy loon with a flamethrower who was torching her van. "Sorry to run off like this. I'll be back in a second. I need to... um... well, it's pretty obvious what I need to do here". He ran over to the King ready to save the day yet again when the small man headed him. "Hey. What's up with this?" the small man said. "What? Oh, that's my friend. He's the King of Spain and..." "Eh?" the man interrupted. "I'm telling you he's the King of Spain. He's kinda..." "What's he doing here flamethrowing this van that you were in?" "I control that man not, um.. what's your name?" "Henry" "Nice to meet you Henry. Pardon me. I need to stop someone from doing something completely stupid again." Cord said cordially. "Well, I've tried reason. It didn't work. What are you going to do?" Cord smiled. "Watch" Cord and Henry walked up to the King. The van was pretty charred now. Too late for the picture. "I one the van" Cord started, expecting a reply. "I two the van" the King replied. "I three the van" Cord kept playing along. "I four the van" Henry stepped in, thinking they were both completely crazy. "I five the van" Cord kept going. "I six the van" the King piped in. "I seven the van" Cord said, looking over to Shirty Spice sitting there weeping over her all-but-lost van. "I eight the van" the King said. "Hey," Cord said as contemptously as possible, "you did not eat the van. It's right there. You're just cooking it to eat it later" The King and Cord had a good laugh at this while Henry just shook his head. The King, still showering the van with liquid fire, got an idea. "I one the flamethrower!" he declared. Henry sullenly said as an aside: "Oh, so that's how you got it. Heh" "I two the flamethrower" Cord played along. "I three the stupid flamethrower. What the heck are we doing playing kids games, here?" Henry said. "I four the flamethrower" the King threw in. "and five the flamethrower too" he said. "I six the flamethrower" Cord said loudly. "I seven the flamethrower" The King said. "I ate the stupid flamethrower. Haha. Give me the damn thing" Henry screamed at the King and grabbed for the flamethrower. The King, not really thinking at all and more playing the game, stuck the flamethrowing into Henry's mouth. "Ha! You ate the flamethrower". He let go of the the nozzle as it got into Henry's mouth, but not before Henry's insides were filled with flames. Henry's internally flaming body juxtaposed with the externally flaming van would have also made a good picture, but alas, still no photographers. "That'll teach him to eat flamethroweres, eh Cord?" the King said. "Yeah. I'm glad we really didn't know him at all or else I'd be feeling really really bad right now" Cord walked back over to Shirty as the King took off his flamethrowing gear and placed it beside Henry's charred remains. "Um... sorry about your van, Shirty" "My van? Screw my van. Where do you get off patting me on the head and having me sit down? What this story needs is a strong female character kicking some butt and you patting me on the head just isn't gonna cut it, mister." "Right. Um... sorry. I guess we are a threesome now" Cord says. He then looks directly out of the book at the reader "Not *that* kind of threesome, people." "Well, then it's dinner time" Shirty exclaimed and grabbed the King by the collar and dragged him off, "They got great scalded Brain and Tuna at Moxie's and brain isn't your style, go for the pork tenderloin. And anyways, I gotta finish my story..." End Part the Ate, er I mean Eight. Part Nine: My Dinner with Lisa "Hi!" said the bubbly young woman. "Welcome to Moxie's. I'm Jinkies, I'll be your server!" She started to rattle off the specials, but Shirty stopped her cold. "My usual. My friend in the hat will have the prime rib with baked potato; the lad will have spaghetti and meatballs with a house salad. Thousand Island. And I need an ashtray." Jinkies crept away meekly, her bubble deflated by Shirty's commanding air. "All righty, boys, we need a plan." "Well," Cord started out "We're, em, the King and I, we're out to find some adventure!" He stared at her with eyes full of hope. She blew smoke into his face and seemed more like Lauren Bacall in a Qiana shirt every minute. Shirty Spice was his hero... "And have you found any?" "Et-Ceteraaaa Et-Ceteraaaaa Et-Ce-ter-aaaa." the King opined. "Jesus! How do you turn him off?" Shirty glared at the King and then reached across the table and grasped his nose between her tthumb and forefinger. The King opened his eyes wide as she said "Ah ah...got your nose. Be quiet for five minutes and I'll give it back." Shirty rolled her eyes and shook her head, then turned again to Cord. He seemed so young , but he had managed to save her from that mall and eliminate her bandmates, she figured, so he might be some use to her. "Have you found any adventure, Cord?" He thought about it for a minute, remembering the pirate ship, the guy with the guitar, and poor roasted Henry. As he looked over at Shirty, who seemed preoccupied staring in the direction of the man at the bar. She might have a plan! "I'm not sure I know what adventure is any more," he whined. "Oh, stop it. Wipe your nose and give me a minute." Just about then, their food arrived. The King pouted infront of his meal for a moment. "Miss Shirty, I can't taste my meat if you've got my nose!" She had, indeed, forgotten. What a managable bunch she'd stumbled onto! She called over to Jinkies and asked her to keep Cord and the King company while she took care of some important business. (Chad's part...) Part the Eighth: A Right Old Man, Henry "What?" "Seven. I prefer it to hello. It breaks the ice" the shirty woman with the matches said. Cord got the impression she cut her own hair. "Oh, Seven" he said. "Match?" "No thank you" "I was like you once" she began. Cord looked at her intently gazing deeply into her head. "Career. Husband. Career. I had it all" Shirty explained, lobbing a match into the front seat where no one was driving the non-moving van. "Um... husband? What? I'm not..." Cord interjected. "But then... then..." Shirty Spice started to sob. "What happened?" "I acquired a taste for human brains. A rare condition, but not as rare as you think. It doesn't get much press." At this point, Cord is more than worried. The King, he'd be okay. He ain't got no brains to be eaten. "Um... that's understandable" Cord managed to mutter as he steathily looked around the van for exits. "Things fell apart after that. The postman. My boss. My husband. I was just getting into different recipes: Curries, Tempura. I had just discovered a great recipe for Brain Au Jous" Right after "Au Jous" and just before Cord was about to try to wiggle through those tiny slit windows that vans always seem to have on the sides, the van bursts into flames. Cord grabbed Shirty, putting his hand over her mouth so she wouldn't get a chance to have some brain lunch when he's not looking, quickly opened the rear door of the van, and stepped out into the cold night's air. Outside, the van, he noticed that it was one hepped up vehicle. Large chrome hubs shined to perfection reflected the flames that engulfed the van. The rubber from the racing slicks was releasing a pretty bad smell and the airbrushed sides, which used to show a wide varied number of shirts (some with horsies, a nice dark blue with white edges, an orange NYC thruway shirt, a beautiful looking canteloupe shirt, a hideous pink ruffled tuxedo shirt, blue with white polkadots), is starting to drip. If a photographer had been there and gotten a good picture, the scene would have definitely gotten a pulitzer prize. Just then, the Little Lord Corduroy noticed where all the flames were coming from. The King was off to one side of the van with a large backpack on. He had a mask on and a light red body suit. A hose connected the backpack to a small gun he carried in his right hand. The small gun, an industrial strength flamethrower, was tossing carnage directly at the van. "Pink ruffled shirt... too ugly... must... erg... too ugly... ugly shirt..." the King was screaming so he could be heard over the flames. Do you know how hard it is to mutter incoherently while screaming at the top of your lungs? Try it sometime. Very hard. Next to the King there was a small man trying to argue with him about the whole flamethrowing the van idea. The small man had some good arguments. "Fire is dangerous". "The shirt isn't *THAT* ugly". "Flames and gasoline don't mix". Cord took his hand off Shirty's mouth, patted her on the head and sat her down on the ground far enough away from the flames. She watched as a small man argued with a crazy loon with a flamethrower who was torching her van. "Sorry to run off like this. I'll be back in a second. I need to... um... well, it's pretty obvious what I need to do here". He ran over to the King ready to save the day yet again when the small man headed him. "Hey. What's up with this?" the small man said. "What? Oh, that's my friend. He's the King of Spain and..." "Eh?" the man interrupted. "I'm telling you he's the King of Spain. He's kinda..." "What's he doing here flamethrowing this van that you were in?" "I control that man not, um.. what's your name?" "Henry" "Nice to meet you Henry. Pardon me. I need to stop someone from doing something completely stupid again." Cord said cordially. "Well, I've tried reason. It didn't work. What are you going to do?" Cord smiled. "Watch" Cord and Henry walked up to the King. The van was pretty charred now. Too late for the picture. "I one the van" Cord started, expecting a reply. "I two the van" the King replied. "I three the van" Cord kept playing along. "I four the van" Henry stepped in, thinking they were both completely crazy. "I five the van" Cord kept going. "I six the van" the King piped in. "I seven the van" Cord said, looking over to Shirty Spice sitting there weeping over her all-but-lost van. "I eight the van" the King said. "Hey," Cord said as contemptously as possible, "you did not eat the van. It's right there. You're just cooking it to eat it later" The King and Cord had a good laugh at this while Henry just shook his head. The King, still showering the van with liquid fire, got an idea. "I one the flamethrower!" he declared. Henry sullenly said as an aside: "Oh, so that's how you got it. Heh" "I two the flamethrower" Cord played along. "I three the stupid flamethrower. What the heck are we doing playing kids games, here?" Henry said. "I four the flamethrower" the King threw in. "and five the flamethrower too" he said. "I six the flamethrower" Cord said loudly. "I seven the flamethrower" The King said. "I ate the stupid flamethrower. Haha. Give me the damn thing" Henry screamed at the King and grabbed for the flamethrower. The King, not really thinking at all and more playing the game, stuck the flamethrowing into Henry's mouth. "Ha! You ate the flamethrower". He let go of the the nozzle as it got into Henry's mouth, but not before Henry's insides were filled with flames. Henry's internally flaming body juxtaposed with the externally flaming van would have also made a good picture, but alas, still no photographers. "That'll teach him to eat flamethroweres, eh Cord?" the King said. "Yeah. I'm glad we really didn't know him at all or else I'd be feeling really really bad right now" Cord walked back over to Shirty as the King took off his flamethrowing gear and placed it beside Henry's charred remains. "Um... sorry about your van, Shirty" "My van? Screw my van. Where do you get off patting me on the head and having me sit down? What this story needs is a strong female character kicking some butt and you patting me on the head just isn't gonna cut it, mister." "Right. Um... sorry. I guess we are a threesome now" Cord says. He then looks directly out of the book at the reader "Not *that* kind of threesome, people." "Well, then it's dinner time" Shirty exclaimed and grabbed the King by the collar and dragged him off, "They got great scalded Brain and Tuna at Moxie's and brain isn't your style, go for the pork tenderloin. And anyways, I gotta finish my story..." End Part the Ate, er I mean Eight. Part Nine: My Dinner with Lisa "Hi!" said the bubbly young woman. "Welcome to Moxie's. I'm Jinkies, I'll be your server!" She started to rattle off the specials, but Shirty stopped her cold. "My usual. My friend in the hat will have the prime rib with baked potato; the lad will have spaghetti and meatballs with a house salad. Thousand Island. And I need an ashtray." Jinkies crept away meekly, her bubble deflated by Shirty's commanding air. "All righty, boys, we need a plan." "Well," Cord started out "We're, em, the King and I, we're out to find some adventure!" He stared at her with eyes full of hope. She blew smoke into his face and seemed more like Lauren Bacall in a Qiana shirt every minute. Shirty Spice was his hero... "And have you found any?" "Et-Ceteraaaa Et-Ceteraaaaa Et-Ce-ter-aaaa." the King opined. "Jesus! How do you turn him off?" Shirty glared at the King and then reached across the table and grasped his nose between her tthumb and forefinger. The King opened his eyes wide as she said "Ah ah...got your nose. Be quiet for five minutes and I'll give it back." Shirty rolled her eyes and shook her head, then turned again to Cord. He seemed so young , but he had managed to save her from that mall and eliminate her bandmates, she figured, so he might be some use to her. "Have you found any adventure, Cord?" He thought about it for a minute, remembering the pirate ship, the guy with the guitar, and poor roasted Henry. As he looked over at Shirty, who seemed preoccupied staring in the direction of the man at the bar. She might have a plan! "I'm not sure I know what adventure is any more," he whined. "Oh, stop it. Wipe your nose and give me a minute." Just about then, their food arrived. The King pouted infront of his meal for a moment. "Miss Shirty, I can't taste my meat if you've got my nose!" She had, indeed, forgotten. What a managable bunch she'd stumbled onto! "Say, where is it that you're the big news, King?" she queried. "He was the king of Spain, but it's been a long time," Cord answered on the King's behalf, as the King was too well trained to talk with his mouth full. "Well, the last time I checked, royalty was for life." She called over to Jinkies and asked her to keep Cord and the King company while she took care of some important business. Shirty walked toward the bar, sizing up the man in the navy trousers and overly pressed blue short sleeved shirt. There was a hat sitting next to him as he sipped what appeared to be club soda. The hat had wings on the front. "Hi" she purred as she slid onto the barstool next to the middle-aged man. "I bet you're an airline pilot." As she smiled, the pilot took notice; he smiled, and wondered how she knew his occupation. She tapped the side of her head and smiled wider, batting her eyelashes at him. "Lucky guess." Shirty hated playing the dumb girl, but it was the means to an end. "How'd you like to take me and my friends for a ride in your big plane?" The pilot looked over to the table where she had gestured: a boy, a bald man with an odd expression on his face, and a blond girl who looked a lot like the waitress. She was cute. They were all cute, a cute bunch... What could it hurt? Where are you going... Shirty herded her charges into the Pilot's minivan as quickly as possible, she kept their destination a surprise. A million questions filled Cord's head. Where were they going? Who was this pilot guy? Why do fools fall in love? Jinkies headed instinctively for the galley as soon as they boarded the 747, which was strangely devoid of passengers, except for a group of strapping young men, one of whom identified his group as the US Olympic Water Polo team. "Shirty, for the last time, where are we going?" She turned a brilliant smile on Cord, and in a tone that made one think of a flamenco dancer with a rose clenched in her teeth, she responded "Espana!" At which point, the King fainted dead away. At Jinkies ear-shattering shriek, several of the water polo players bounded through the cabin with the plane's first aid kit. "I know CPR! I know CPR!" But Shirty instructed the Helpful Water Polo Guys--whose names were Jordan and Steve, though nobody was completely sure who was whom-- to hold the king steady. She sent Jinkies back to the galley to get some cold water, which she promptly emptied over the King's bald head. He coughed and sputtered for a second as he stared up at Shirty Spice in amazement. Such audacity. Jinkies managed to find a towel, and Shirty began to be happy that she'd thought to bring the girl along. The King sat down next to Shirty and tried to explain his shock at going back to his homeland. "I left, oh, I don't know why I left. I just couldn't take her nagging any more. She wanted to run the country, so I left and let her run the country. She got what she wanted, and I pulled all my hair out." She? Shirty wanted to know. The king was still talking. "Lisa. His wife. The queen." Cord filled her in "We don't talk about her much. I found out about her on a Style with Elsa Klench segment on CNN." Shirty glanced around the cabin and found Jordan-and-Steve introducing Jinkies to the rest of the team, she seemed to be the team's new sweetheart. She found the liquor cart and wheeled it to the seat where Cord and the king still sat, both quietly. "Whiskey Sour, anybody?" She started. "Bloody Mary? Rum and Coke." The king smiled "I like Pina Colada, and getting caught in the rain!" She tossed him a light beer and a plastic cup, and asked Cord if he was old enough to drink. "Yeah, I'm 31 years old. Everybody seems to think I'm just a kid..." Before long, Jinkies, Jordan-and-Steve and the rest of the water polo team had moved over to sit near them. They microwaved bags of popcorn and broke open the sodas as they watched Contact, starring Jodie Foster, as they continued across the Atlantic to Spain. ***** The king thought things looked a little different as they disembarked. For one thing, the signs were all in English., and everything seemed very clean indeed. They were surprised as they approached an information booth and found that the attendant wore a red blazer with a gold pin shaped suspiciously like the head of Mickey Mouse. "Hi! Welcome to SpanaDisney! How can I help you?" The king hailed them a taxi, his instincts to lead returning more and more every second he stood on native soil. This was his homeland, and something was wrong, but he didn't know what. The first place they were going was the Palace. Lisa had some answering to do.... The cabdriver spoke English, and also referred to the place as SpanaDisney. The King began to fear that he'd made a terrible mistake all those years ago. He noticed that the cab was followed by a pack of youngsters with brooms. They seemed to be sweeping the street as the taxi drove over the pavement. There ought to be people in the sidewalk cafes drinking wine and smoking cigarettes, eating olives and spitting out the pits; there ought to be radiant girls and boys on the beaches clad in frighteningly small swimsuits. What he did see were families in minivans with coolers full of American soda. He saw T-shirt stands, and vendors with pre-formed ice cream treats; he saw vending machines with disposable cameras. He alighted from the cab as Shirty payed the driver and Cord struggled to take it all in. The sky was so blue, it seemed to have been airbrushed that way. Spain looked like a movie! They stood outside the opulent gates of the palace the king used to call home for a few minutes. His keys no longer worked, and the guards didn't recognize him. He walked to where he knew Lisa would be, in her dressing room... "Lisa! It's your husband. The King. What the hell have you done to my country?" A substantial blond woman walked out onto the balcony. Even if they hadn't known she was a queen, her elaborate clothes said it for her. "Welcome to SpanaDisney! I leased the country to the Walt Disney Company a few years ago!" Lisa exalted. "Business couldn't be better, and look how clean everything is!" She continued, hollering for anybody to hear that her husband the king looked pale and tired...not to mention bald, and where did he get that terrible hat? "Ah, you shall all come in and get yourself cleaned up. I won't have you standing on my street looking like rag pickers...there are no rags to pick in SpanaDisney!" Dejected, they trudged into the palace... - -----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==---------- http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own ------------------------------ End of alt.music.moxy-fruvous digest V3 #109 ********************************************