DO'S AND DON'TS OF BRACES ETIQUETTE

Philadelphia Inquirer

(c) 1996 Philadelphia Newspapers Inc. All rts. reserv.

02013804 DO'S AND DON'TS OF BRACES ETIQUETTE PHILADELPHIA 
INQUIRER (PI) - SUNDAY March 13, 1983 By: Judith Mann, United 
Features Syndicate Edition: FINAL  Section: FEATURES FAMILY HOME 
FASHION  Page: I05 Word Count: 578

MEMO: MISS MANNERS

TEXT: Perhaps because her bite is worse than her admittedly formidable 
bark, Miss Manners is in sympathy with people who wear braces on their 
teeth. However, the  sympathy  ends  abruptly the minute they reach into 
their mouth at the dinner table to extract reconstruction materials.

   Head  braces  with dried dribble on them, which look as if they had done 
years  of  duty in the mouths of cab horses; tiny, round rubber bands, left 
around  in  pairs like tooth marks of vampires; retainers cunningly made of 
pink  plastic  to  resemble  disembodied  palates  -  Miss  Manners  is not 
oblivious  to  the suffering associated with these, but does not think that 
they do much when left lying around.

   The  etiquette  of  braces  begins  before  this equipment is issued. It 
begins  with  knowing  that  when  the first child in a class to get braces 
appears,  you do not make remarks about train tracks, Jaws and Metal 
Mouth. That  child  is  likely to be the first person out of braces, too, when 
his tormentors are themselves firmly locked in.

   Braces  can  be,  however,  a  subject  of  polite  conversation  at the 
appropriate  age levels. "How long have you had them?" and "How long do 
you have  to  have  them?" are as standard and inoffensive conversation 
openers among  the  braced  as  the weather, the economy and the general 
decline of civilization are among their presumably straightened-out elders.

   It  is  also  permissible  to  discuss  the  reason  for  your  braces - 
underbite, overbite, buck teeth, gaps. This is a bit more personal, but has 
become  unremarkable,  in  the  way  that  naming  the  causes  of 
marriage break-ups  is among adults.

   But  the  observation  of "You're not supposed to eat that" has the same 
unacceptability  as the same phrase has to overweight adults. Only the 
most privileged  relationship  (parent  to minor child) justifies this. Everyone 
else is expected just to watch as someone with braces bites into a 
caramel. That   person  has  already  heard  the  warnings  from  his  
dentist,  and undoubtedly  will  discover  the  truth of it for himself after this 
little experiment.

   For authorized eating, the rule is to do whatever is necessary to enable 
others  to  enjoy  their  meals. This means that rubber bands, headgear 
and retainers  are  removed  in  privacy,  before one appears at the table, 
and reinstalled  in  privacy afterward. In the meantime, they are kept in their 
cases, not parked next to someone's dinner plate.

   The  chief problem, then, is transferring the food from the plate to the 
digestive  tract.  When  one has braces, it tends to make a stopover on the 
front teeth.

   Any  cleaning up that can be done by the tongue with the mouth closed 
is legitimate.   A  quick  scrape  with  the  thumbnail  in  the  mouth  isn't 
legitimate,  but  if Miss Manners doesn't see you do it (the napkin goes up 
to  the  mouth with four fingers visibly holding it, so that it appears the lips 
are merely being wiped), it doesn't count against you. Serious picking with 
 tools  must be conducted away from the table. This is a nuisance, but it  
does  give  one  the pleasure of having a second helping when everybody 
else's meal is over.

   The most important rule is that social embarrassment over wearing 
braces is not permitted. House guests should bring their headgear, and 
their hosts are  honor-bound not to notice that the guests have drooled on 
the pillows. And  refusing to smile for 2 1/2 years does nothing at all for 
one's social standing.